Conversations With Claudia: The Voice Of An Eating Disorder

I was very fortunate to come across the blog of Angela Minard recently: Here and Now ~*~4 Angel~*~, "Poetry and thoughts on my journey toward healing and unlocking the silence within. Words are magic. Words have the power to heal, so find your voice, and fly!"Angela's blog feels like a comforting embrace with it's music, art, poetry, and honest, open disclosure about her recovery. She describes herself as "Living in the here and now. I can't change the past, but I am in control of my destiny. I'm taking back my life, taking back my power, and learning to spread my wings and take flight."

Her journey is so inspiring and well worth reading for yourself.

Conversations With Claudia/How Writing Has Saved Me
"Who is Claudia? She is not my friend, but she has been a part of my life for a very long time. She is the voice of my eating disorder. A voice that over time, has crowded out my own thoughts and beliefs. I'm hoping that someday I will leave her behind," began the first entry of Angela's myspace blog entry almost a year ago.

"I have an amazing therapist and also a nutritionist who thought it would be a good idea to give my eating disorder a separate identity from myself. It would be a way to delineate between my own voice and the voice of the eating disorder. I'm finally beginning to see how often Claudia talks to me. She is bossy, demanding, snide, snotty, and degrading. She is also the one with the control most of the time, but I know that needs to change if I am to survive." "I remember the first time she spoke to me. I was seven years old, sitting in church, and looking down at my thighs as I sat in the pew. "Your legs are so fat,"! She said." "Why did she choose that moment to begin her torment? I'm not really sure. My mom, grandma, and two aunts were constantly dieting and discussing their weight. I'm sure that their conversations wormed their way into what I began to also believe about myself."

"Being raped at the age of eleven was the real beginning of my self loathing and hatred. A secret that I held inside, suffocating my voice, and letting the shame eat me alive. Puberty began soon after, and with it, the ultimate betrayal of my own body." "I'm hoping that writing down some of the conversations that I have with Claudia will help me to find my own voice, and hopefully, someday, my voice will be louder than hers."

"It feels wonderful to read this again, just to see how far I have come," she says. "Is my voice louder than the voice of Claudia's? Yes, I think it is, and damn, it feels good! I believe that the writing saved me. I began writing blogs, writing poetry, writing in my journal, writing my thoughts in e-mails to my therapist. I couldn't seem to stop writing and more than that, I felt such a strong desire to share what I had written. First with my therapist, who encouraged me with compliments on the poetry that I would share and then I started blogging; Sharing with strangers about things that I had kept secret for most of my life. Through writing, I found the freedom to unlock the silence, and begin the process of healing." By Angela Minard

Blog: http://hereandnow4angel.blogspot.com/
Article source: http://hereandnow4angel.blogspot.com/2008/03/conversations-with-claudia-how-writing.htmlPicture source:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/86272503@N00/6414710805/

Bulimarexia

bulimarexia (bōōlim´rek´sē),

n an eating disorder distinguished by a combination of the symptoms prevalent in both anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa; develops primarily in teenage and young adult females.

"Bulimarexia is probably the most misunderstood form of the three main types of eating disorders; it is also not nearly as well-known. While the most obvious characteristic of anorexia is the appearance of starving oneself, and habitually binging and purging is the primary characteristic of bulimia, many people are quite at a loss to know what the problem is when a person exhibits both characteristics at various times. That factor is actually what bulimarexia is: the person who suffers from bulimarexia runs on a cycle of both conditions. If it isn't apparent, bulimarexia has the potential of being considerably more destructive than either of the two conditions alone.

Bulimarexia totally wreaks havoc on a person's entire system. While both conditions are damaging enough in themselves, the inability to sustain either of the conditions individually puts the person's health in an extreme state of decline. Obviously, if a person has reached this state, getting professional help as soon as possible is absolutely essential.

A person who has bulimarexia will bounce back and forth from the symptoms of one condition to the symptoms of the other. She will display some periods of restricting her food intake to nearly none, and some periods of stuffing in large quantities of food, removing it from her body afterward with purging. If she still has the physical strength to do so, she may engage in unreasonable degrees of exercise, believing that it will not only help her control her weight but will also help her to gain control in general. Bulimarexia is the absolute extreme in the person's sense of, and exhibiting, complete loss of control.

The observer should not make the mistake of thinking that when the pattern of one form of eating disorder changes into the opposite that this is a good sign. Instead, it is a sign that the person is no longer able to even hold to one pattern, and so goes back and forth from one to the other. Not only is this state potentially life threatening, the psychological implications can be equally deadly. Professional assistance is necessary for the sake of the person's life. "

Read in full here. TheEatingDisorderFacts.com

Please see sidebar for links to resources and tools.


Article source:
http://www.theeatingdisordersfacts.com/what-is-bulimarexia.html definition source: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/bulimarexiapicture source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/porsche-linn/6999151879/

What I Have Lost To My Eating Disorder

In this video posted on youtube, one young woman reveals what she has lost to her eating disorder. "What I have lost to my eating disorder." A video by Nonamavi


What I Have Lost To My Eating Disorder
YouTube.com

Don't Die For A Diet

When Would You Spot The Signs?
If you suspect your child is suffering from an eating disorder please check out this site that I came across today: Don't Die For A Diet.
"This site was created by a number of organizations, including AMV BBDO and Proximity London, in conjunction with beat.
It is designed to provide help and information for the parents of young people who may be affected by eating disorders."

See also: The Diet / Eating Disorder Connection

sources: http://www.dontdieforadiet.com/index.html

pic source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/purpleslog/3244332524/

Warning Signs of Bulimia

There are many warning signs that may help you determine if someone is suffering from Bulimia. Knowing these signs may save a life. Below is a partial list of warning signs. A bulimic may exhibit one, some, or all of the following:

*Binge eating and unable to voluntarily stop.
*Obsessive concern about weight.
*Guilt or shame about eating.
*Frequent use of the bathroom after meals.
*Stress eating.
*Menstruation cessation or irregularities.
*Emotional changes around food.
*Relying on the scale to determine the tone of the day.
*Feeling that their body is the only thing they have control over.
*Obsession with calories, fat, food, and/or weight.
*Isolating.
*Several pound weight shifts that cannot be explained.
*Vomiting Blood, stomach aches.
*Broken blood vessels in the eyes.
*Chronic sore throats/swollen glands.
*Low self-worth/low self-esteem.
*Purging.
*Feelings of worthlessness after binging or gaining weight.
*Recurring Headaches.
*Hair loss.
*Broken, brittle nails.

Please see "Eating Disorder Help" in sidebar for helpful hotlines and links.

"It's Just A Phase," And Other Misconceptions

"It's just a phase" is a familiar statement that offers a bit of comfort when dealing with a frustrating behavior or interest. We have all had our experiences with going through phases of our own, or watching children skip through one phase to another. Much to our dismay one child may refuse to eat anything but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, one may have an attachment to a certain article of clothing that she/he refuses to stop wearing. Exasperating as this may be, we realize it's a phase. This too shall pass. So, when witnessing an odd eating behavior in ourselves or someone we love, we may be inclined to chalk it up to a phase and miss what is really going on.

This is just one of the misconceptions concerning eating disorders. Are you questioning if a certain eating behavior is more than just a passing phase? Read about the misconceptions of eating disorders here: Common Misconceptions.

http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/misconceptions.php
picture source: MrsMenopausal

Support and Resources

If you are suffering with an Eating Disorder please read this post by Medusa, ANOREXIA .... A CRY FOR HELP and be sure to check out the wonderful resource information listed there.

http://2medusa.blogspot.com/