Girl Standing In Front Of The Mirror: Eating Disorder Poetry

*warning: poem may be triggering

Girl Standing in Front of the Mirror

Collarbones jutted out,
Every rib defined against the starving flesh
Eyes hollow, bloodshot
Wrists cocked, trying to defy the laws of nature,
To put her fingers around her waist
Hipbones sharp as a raven’s beak
Legs thin as twigs, ready to snap
Her arms never small enough
Her cheekbones never prominent enough
Girl standing in front of the mirror,
Inching her hollow eyes over ever flaw, every imperfection
No matter the countless gags, the starvation, the exercise,
She is never perfect
Girl standing in front of the mirror,
Her hollow eyes tell it all:
Insecurity, Distortion, Desperation
Girl standing in front of the mirror,
Slowly dying in her perception of beauty and perfection

Written by: SC

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Eating Disorder & Body Image: Share Your Poetry/Writings

Writing is a very powerful tool for many with Eating Disorders and an excellent way for others to relate and be inspired. Do you have a poem(s) and/or writing(s) about your struggles, experiences, or recovery with your Eating Disorder that you'd like to share with others? Weighing The Facts would like to feature your writing here so that others can relate, find support, and encouragement towards recovery.

Participation may be anonymous or credited, whichever you feel comfortable with. Poems/writings must be your own work. If you're interested in participating please contact me at Mrsmenopausal@yahoo.com.

Thank you.

MrsM


*Check out the sidebar menu for submissions and read the wonderful poetry and writings others have already shared on Weighing The Facts.




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Eating Disorders: Monster In My Head

As if one day I could wake up and live normal again. Live without this monster that infiltrates my mind 24/7. Every action I make is around this monster. Every plan, meal, thought has this monster in it. From the time I wake up in the morning to the time my head hits my pillow at night, this monster poisons my thoughts. Somehow he has made this cozy home in my mind, no one can explain it, and I cannot control it. But my mind has convinced me it is the only thing I can control in my mind, so when I start to freak out or lose control of everything, I always run back to this monster. He is called an eating disorder. It’s the nasty little monster that sticks like glue. 

Most eating disorders come as a pair or morph into one another. As for me, I met my first monster in 2008. Anorexia nervosa. He is the reason I lost 65 pounds in two months, the reason I developed horrible eating habits and became depressed and one of the reasons why my friends worried constantly about me. It didn’t just put a strain on my life but theirs also. I spent hours at my boyfriend’s sleeping because I was too tired and anemic to be awake and he spend his time trying to force feed me because he didn’t understand. My friends started talking about me behind my back and I wanted nothing to do with them. I felt alone, just me and my monster. It became my best friend. 

I reached my lowest weight of 108 pounds which is small for a tall girl like me. That’s when I admitted to myself that I needed to get help. I just wasn’t happy that I had no control of my life anymore. Telling my family wasn’t easy, but what made it worse was they didn’t believe me. I wasn’t home much and when I was, they thought I was losing the weight by eating healthy and working out. WRONG. After I talked to a couple people and made some changes, things got better you could say. It still seemed like every little pound I gained, my mind lost control. I developed Body Dimorphic Disorder. Something to this day I am never convinced will go away. It’s the monster that tells me I am fat, ugly, out of shape, unattractive, etc. I hate it the most; it is what triggers the rest.

Shortly after I started to binge eat. I “didn’t care” anymore and ate everything in sight. I still do and it is so hard to control. Eating this way can pack pounds quick, which triggered one more monster in my head. Over time my friend who is a student in psych noticed the amount and routine of my workout schedule. I had for sure developed exercise bulimia. This is the part of my brain that justifies binge eating because I can work off anything right? WRONG. 

Now since I have had no help I fall back into all of this in 2010. It’s not easy, and my life is so far from perfect. But I love God and I know he put this challenge in my life for a reason.  So one day, I will get over it. It may be hard now, and I may want to just cry myself to sleep because no one but me understands what goes through my head every day. But this will not defeat me. God doesn’t give people challenges they cannot handle. So let this be a learning experience by reading my life story. Don’t give up. Mark 5:36; Don’t be afraid, just believe.

By: Carolyn King

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A Letter To My ED: I See You For What You Are

I would love to call you names, hurl abuse, but I'll keep this clean. (im sweet like that)
Up until a few weeks ago, I thought you had only been in my life on and off.
But you are tricky, you changed forms so many times. The times I thought you were gone, you actually had a bigger hold on me. I was just pretending you weren't there, and I didn't know why I was so miserable, and I hated myself just as much.
But you, have robbed me of so many things. I hate you. My family hates you. My ex-boyfriends hate you. You are poison.
How ever many years ago now, you came to comfort me because I was sad, I thought you were helping. I thought you were teaching me to control my life, to feel better about myself.

That summer was probably the last summer I really loved being intimate with anyone. You took that from me.
When my friends want to go have fun going out, you told me I couldn't. When people told me I was talented, you told me they were lying.
When I walked into a room, you told me everyone thought I was disgusting.
When I see other girls, you told me they see me as masculine and different.
When people organise events and fun activities.. you think of excuses to get out of them.
You are the first voice I hear in the morning, and the last voice I hear at night. And I am so sick of the sound of you.
You have affected every avenue of my life and you own all of my mental real estate.
Well guess what?
I see you now.
I see you for what you are, and I am going to get rid of you. In fact I have already started. It is my main goal in life, I really don't think you stand a chance.
And I am going to tell people about you.
And I am going to get help to do get rid of you.
As much as I hate you, when I am better I'll move on from that hate, I wont be bitter, because you don't even deserve that much energy. Instead I will be happy!
And when you are gone I am going to nourish my body, and love my soul, and go out with friends, and walk around with my head held high. Every morning when I wake up I am going to be grateful that you are gone. Every night I am going to sleep sweetly knowing that you have been beaten!
And I am going to try and help other people know exactly what you are, and I want to prevent people from befriending you, and I want to make sure when I have children they never even hear you speak.
I'll be free!
Fuck yeah!

Written by: Lou Lou
Lou Lou says on her blog, Boost Forward, "I am on a path to becoming a woman enjoying wellness and I have a lot of hope."

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Picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bcostin/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Snow: The Value Of Listening To Your Heart

Snow
The value of listening to your heart.... ...rather than an eating disordered head.

If I hadn’t ignored my head then I wouldn’t have seen the snow, shimmering and sparkling in the early morning sunlight.

And if I had, as it commanded, stuck to the weekly regime and gone swimming; then I would have missed being the first to walk through the unmarked snowfall, spraying glitter in my wake and leaving a dance of footprints behind me.

If I had given in to the demand to justify and earn every mouthful, then I would have been lapping up and down an empty pool while the sun was working its magic over the snowswept fields; and, against the diamond white backdrop, the colours and shadows became breathtaking.

And, if I had listened to my often overpowering head – rather than my often overpowered heart; then I might not have noticed how beautiful the world can be, and how much fun there is in the smallest pleasures –

Like a twirling whirling flake of snow.

Written by: Finding Melissa

She says: "An eating disorder is a gradual erosion. It’s a chip chip chipping away. A slow, insidious takeover that removes all traces of an individual, erases all suggestion of an identity, dominates thoughts, actions, feelings….and articulates one devastating message: 'without me, you are nothing'…..It is a lie. You’ve just got a bit lost along the way.

Be sure to visit Melissa's wonderful site: Finding Melissa

*See sidebar menu for more ED poetry and writings

*Click here to have your Eating Disorders/Body Image poetry/writings featured on Weighing The Facts


picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/katmere/ / CC BY 2.0

Share Your Poetry And Writings About Your Eating Disorder

Writing is a very powerful tool for many with Eating Disorders and an excellent way for others to relate and be inspired. Do you have a poem(s) and/or writing(s) about your struggles, experiences, or recovery with your Eating Disorder that you'd like to share with others? Weighing The Facts would like to feature your writing here so that others can relate, find support, and encouragement towards recovery.

Participation may be anonymous or credited, whichever you feel comfortable with. Poems/writings must be your own work. If you're interested in participating please contact me at Mrsmenopausal@yahoo.com.

Thank you.

*Submissions can be found in sidebar drop down menu.