For years I was sick, but didn't understand with what, or what to do about it. I couldn't eat, everything I was able to eat made me sick. I got a little better, then a lot worse. Finally what had apparently been clear to my friends became clear to me, I had an Eating Disorder.
My first intake appointment at the Emily Program (where I am currently getting treatment) was hell. The therapist was as sweet and as supportive as anyone could hope for, but I was terrified. It all got much easier after that, after admitting that I was sick and asking for help. I decided very soon after that first appointment that I was not going to hide the fact that I have an illness, and that I am fighting it.
When anyone asks what I have been up to, or what I do, I tell them, with my head held high that I am in treatment for an eating disorder. Its interesting to see the different reactions I get from people. Some of them get uncomfortable and look for any other topic to turn to, some of them get curious and ask me all manner of questions.
I'm not sure why I am so open about having and fighting this illness. I think it has something to do with knowing I will win. Also, I wonder, if people had been this open about their eating disorders when I was sick and confused, if I would have sought treatment sooner. Also, I recognize the courage and strength it takes to fight this. I know that what I am doing is more than most people do for themselves at any point in their lives. I know that I am taking the time I need to lay the groundwork for the rest of my life. I know that I am facing demons so terrifying and sneaky that many people prefer to just live with them, rather than try to eradicate them once and for all. I know that this disease is not my fault, there is no shame in it, in fact, there is honor in the fight. I hope other people see that too.
written by: anonymous
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