One of the 18 Best Eating Disorder Blogs of 2012

 Weighing The Facts was named one of the 18 Best Eating Disorder Blogs of 2012 by Healthline!

Healthline says:  

Battling an eating disorder can be a long and dangerous challenge for people of every age and background. Thankfully, a flourishing online community has emerged in recent years to offer reliable information, support, and advice. From personal journeys to medical facts, these blogs offer the best of the best on the web about eating disorders.

Share your own stories with others in the chat rooms or comment sections on these blogs, and find an opportunity for healing and community in these pages. Hope and health may be closer than you think.

Here's what the had to say about Weighing The Facts.

I'm so excited and honored to be named with so many wonderful ED blogs. You can find all the blogs, and a blurb about each one, here.

Check them all out. They're great resources.

Weighing The Facts Turns 4 Today!

Weighing The Facts turns four today! 

What a wonderful experience these past 4 years have been. I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the most amazing people through this blog, and the eating disorders, body image, and mental health communities. Whether you have shared your comments, and/or amazing poetry and stories here (and on facebook), are a subscriber, or passerby, I'd like to take this opportunity to let you know how much I appreciate you and to say THANK YOU!

MrsM :)

Eating Disorders Seen Around The Web: August 2, 2011

Profile: Sam Thomas-Men Get Eating Disorders Too
The Mirror

Sam Thomas, founder and project leader at Men Get Eating Disorders Too, entered the TalkTalk Digital Heroes Award in 2010 with the aim of making more people area of the issue of eating disorders amongst men and be a port of call for those affected or worried by it. And like many of the best projects, it was one that was born from personal experience.

Sam got the idea for Men Get Eating Disorders Too from his own experience with bulimia, which he experienced during his time school: “I used to get bullied quite badly, and used to run out of lessons and hide in the boys’ toilets. I’d often binge and purge, but didn’t think too much of it; of course, as a thirteen-year-old you don’t think about eating disorders and you certainly haven’t heard of bulimia.
“When I did start looking for help, I struggled because I was male. Only once I had recovered did I think to myself ‘hang on a minute, if I was a female....
Read Men Get Eating Disorders Too in full


Sexualization of Young Children Linked to Eating Disorder Development
AOL Healthy Living

As early exposure to themes of sex becomes the norm, children of younger ages are expressing discontent with their physical appearance. Results from a recent survey suggest that children rank body image among the highest of their concerns, above both self-confidence and social life. Recent research also suggests that nearly 50 percent of females between ages 11 and 16 would consider cosmetic surgery to improve their appearance.

These findings have striking implications about the factors comprising young children's self-image and esteem. Eating disorders are now presenting in children as young as 6 years old, with dieting becoming more common among those under the age of 10.

Such ardent focus on physical appearance also comes in response to overly-sexualized messages from the media.
Read Sexualization of Young Children Linked To EDs in full


Mental Health: Eating Disorders
BBC News

Every year about 20 people in Britain die from anorexia - the eating disorder which compels them to deprive their bodies of food.

It is thought that about 165,000 Britons have some sort of eating disorder.
Most sufferers are female, although the latest evidence suggests about one in ten is now a male.
One person who developed anorexia at the relatively late age of 27 is Victoria Buchan, who lives near Grampound Road in mid Cornwall.

She admitted for a while she did her best to hide the anorexia from her doctor.
"There was always a response, always something I could hide behind," she said.
"Because of wearing baggy clothes they might not have seen I was losing weight."
Read Mental Health: Eating Disorders in full



Quick Hit: The Fat Femme’s Guide to Lovin’Summer
Happy Bodies

Aimee Fleck, a fantastic student at the Maryland Institute College of Art, made a little zine called The Fat Femme’s Guide to Loving Summer.  Inside there are interviews with some really foxy ladies, instructions on how to make friendship bracelets, a recipe for beignets, new hairstyles to try, a playlist, and lots of suggestions for great summer fashion. It’s all beautifully, colorfully drawn and very well designed, plus sassy and fun.  The zine is also getting plenty of tumblr love, which makes me really happy.
Read The Fat Femme's Guide in full


10 Questions To Ask Yourself About Anger
Hope Forward

By no means am I suggesting that the answers to the following questions are easy, readily available to you, or in any way obvious, though some may be. I think, rather, that they may serve as guide posts toward progress, relief, and insight. While anger is not always the culprit, it does often lurk underneath depression, anxiety, restlessness, discontent, or irritability. While certain angers are clear and apparent, others are more subtle. I think it pays to pay attention to them. Having anger does not mean that you are an angry person, that you have a temper; it just means that you have real feelings, some old, some new, and that tending to them may improve your life in many ways. How we feel anger, what we do with it, is usually based on a mix of genetic, hormonal, biochemical and socialcultural factors. Given that, we can ask ourselves the following questions in our quest to feel better.

1) How was anger expressed or suppressed in my family?

2) What are my earliest memories of feeling angry? With whom? For what? What other feelings do these memories bring up?
Read 10 Questions in full


Genetics Complicate Recovery From Eating Disorders
Psych Central

Sadly, people with eating disorders often face a long-term battle. Those with anorexia nervosa, for instance, are often severely underweight and have a high likelihood of dying from malnutrition.

Now, a new study sheds light on why some people have poor outcomes.

An international team of scientists has identified possible genetic variations that could influence a patient’s recovery from an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia. Researchers believe their findings may augment development of effective interventions for the most treatment-resistant patients with these disorders.
Read Genetics Complicate Recovery in full

The Healing: So Much To Gain

Lyrics, music, production by Hurricane (Dorothy Hodge)

Lyrics: 
The Healing

I'll drive to the beach to draw symbols in the sand
the waves come crashing in, fulfilling dreams at my command
dark colored auras are turning purple and pink
and my restless thoughts are calming down as I start to think

I am healing my self from the pain
I am healing for myself, I have so much to gain
I am healing my self from the pain

I'm writing letters for the things I cannot say
memories left lingering are the ones I'd hope would fade away
now the years are passing by, and I'm starting to grey
avoidance all these years have left me where I am today

I am healing my self from the pain
I am healing for myself, I have so much to gain
I am healing my self from the pain

if the phone is off the hook, or I'm not answering the door
if I dont seem like the person you once knew before,
I'm resolving things inside myself so I wont have to face them anymore

I am healing my self from the pain
I am healing for myself, I have so much to gain
I am healing my self from the pain

 

Weighing The Facts Is 3 Today!

Weighing The Facts turns 3 today 

and I'm counting my blessings. 

I have had the pleasure of meeting 

so many amazing people through this blog 

and the eating disorder and body image communities.

 Whether you're a friend, subscriber, passerby, 

guest, and/or have contributed by 

sharing your poetry, stories, or comments...

I just wanted to let you know 

how much I appreciate you 

and to take a moment to say

Thank You! 

MrsM

Light a Virtual Candle: NEDA Week

 

ALNEDA (The Alabama Network For Eating Disorders Awareness) 

is once again hosting their  

Virtual Candlelight Vigil 

 for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2011. 

You are invited to light a candle in honor of individuals 

who have had their lives touched by an eating disorder. 

Celebrate recovery or show support for those still struggling. 

The colors of the candles and what they represent are:

White: Remembrance ( for someone who has lost their life to an ED)

Silver: Support (for anyone struggling with an ED)

Gold: Celebration (for someone in recovery or who has recovered from an ED)

You can light a candle here.

Click here to see the lit candles.


pic source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/magnera/3984413077/

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope your day was filled with love, support, friends, and family.
MrsM




picsource: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ewan_traveler/4146423231/

EDs Seen Around The Web: November 2010

When Mom Has an Eating Disorder, Everybody Suffers
parentdish.com

It's every mom's nightmare: Finding out your daughter has an eating disorder. Even worse is knowing you're probably to blame.

Teresa Coates, a 40-year-old mom and solo parent of two, was anorexic in high school. She survived on 3 Musketeers bars and not much else. After high school she continued her bizarre eating habits until one day she went into convulsions at work and was rushed to the hospital. The ER doctor told her if she ever wanted to have children, which she did, she would have to start eating.

Teresa's daughter recently turned 13 and she worries about her. A lot. "I worry genetically about my daughter because I come from a family of very heavy women. And that was a concern when she came home from the hospital. I remember being worried about that. It's a hard thing to know you're genetically predisposed to not be thin."

She does feel, however, that her daughter is off to a much better start than she was at her age. "I came from a real working-class family. We didn't eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and the vegetables we ate came from cans. My take on healthy food wasn't really there. I've been cognizant trying to teach both my kids how to tell if food is good for you. They both read labels, a lot. They eat a lot of fruit and vegetables. They're very aware that you need to drink water."

But that doesn't mean it's easy.
Read in full: When Mom Has An ED 


Making Sense of ED Mortality Statistics
ANAD.org 
By Kathy Chen, MA
Chicago Professional School of Psychology

The topic of eating disorders (EDs) and mortality can be particularly sensitive because of the controversial findings in the research and perhaps their implications.  The common belief appears to be that EDs, especially anorexia nervosa (AN), are associated with a low rate of survival.  Many factors influence the results of research regarding EDs and mortality; yet, the more confusing point seems to be the ways in which these results are recorded.  Therefore, reviewing the research and examining the methods that lead to a study’s results could provide mental health professionals as well as friends and families with a more in-depth understanding of the relationship between mortality and EDs.

The first step to understanding the relationship between mortality and EDs is to study the specific parts of information presented in the research.  First, there are multiple definitions used to determine the rate of death in EDs (Neumärker, 2000).  For instance, the term “mortality rate” is different from the term, “standardized mortality ratio.”  The mortality rate is usually expressed as the number of deaths per 100,000 of the population, whereas the standardized mortality ratio (SMR) is the number of observed deaths divided by the number of expected deaths in a specific population.    In addition, when authors write of mortality rate, they usually refer to the crude mortality rate, which includes the number of deaths out of the total number of people studied during a specific amount of time.  Let me give you a simple example.  Let’s imagine we are researchers who have 100 people in our study.  If we check back with these people in 10 years and find that 5 of them have passed away, then the crude mortality rate would be 5 percent.  To calculate the SMR, let’s again think of a simple example.  We are researchers who have 100 people in our study.  This time these 100 people are adolescent females with AN.  We observe that 50 of them have died within a certain amount of time.  However, let’s say that the expected number of deaths for adolescent females without an ED is 10.  Therefore, the SMR in this hypothetical example would be 5.  This result means that the sample of adolescent females with AN has a level of mortality that is 5 times greater than the average adolescent female population without an ED.  Though these terms may seem similar, they can nonetheless impact the ways in which readers interpret these results.  Thus, when one reads research findings, one would likely want to be aware of the different ways that mortality is measured for the purpose of having a more comprehensive understanding of the research findings.
 Read in full: Making Sense of ED Mortality Statistics


Binging to Lose the Bulge: The Dangers of Drunkorexia
richlandchronicle.com

The disorder ‘anorexia' isn't a new one, but the dangerous eating disorder has now found a new partner. Drunkorexia is a new slang term used to describe people who don't eat in order to save the calories for their alcoholic beverages later.
Although it's not an official medical term, drunkorexia is starting to become widely known across college campuses. College students seem to be the main target, and narrowing it down further, female college students.
The restriction of food in order to binge on drinking is the same concept as other deadly eating disorders including bulimia.
During an interview with ABC News, Savannah, a 22-year-old graduate from the University of Texas talked about her experience being a proclaimed ‘drunkorexic'.
"It was just something I always did while in college as a normal part of my diet so that I could stay skinny but still go out and drink," Savannah said. "I do know a lot of people who skip meals to drink, drink heavily and don't gain any weight. Obviously, their success in this way encourages others to try it. I've done [drunkorexia] for years and I'm still healthy. I'm still skinny."
Read in full: The Dangers of Drunkorexia 

University Course to Study Bulimia and Anorexia

  walesonline

by Helen Turner, South Wales Echo 

EATING disorders are to be studied by students and professionals at a new course launched by Cardiff University.
The Collaborative Working in Eating Disorders module, run by the university’s School of Nursing and Midwifery Studies is the first of its kind in Wales and supports the implementation of a recent Assembly Government report.
In Wales, more than 1,000 new cases of eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are diagnosed each year.
Such disorders can lead to enduring mental health problems often affecting sufferers’ physical, social and psychological wellbeing.
Read in full: University Course to Study


sources linked above

Eating Disorders: Seen Around The Web

Letters To My Body

Synchronized 

Today’s letter is very special to me because it was written by one of my very best Blends (Blog Friends), Jen (“a prior fat girl”). I had the opportunity to meet Jen in May at a blogger’s conference, and we became fast friends. I respect the journey that she has taken on, and she has now lost about 100 pounds through a proper diet and exercise. She chose her health above everything else, even when she was faced last year with the most tragic moment of her life. Her journey has been long, and she still fights battles along with the rest of us. To me, her letter is a great example of how to move forward and forgive yourself after years of abuse...
Read Synchronized in full here.



Laura's Soap Box

Being liked is overrated, too   

 

I hear a lot of complaining about eating disorder clinicians. I do a fair bit of complaining myself. But at least some of the time I remind myself that being disliked for doing your job isn't always a sign of doing it wrong: it is often a sign of good practice.

A doctor I admire wrote something on an ED message board this week: "You do not need to be the patient's friend, or confidant, and you shouldn't be someone she wants to bring home for dinner right now, as anyone that is doing their job with her will be working against the ED behaviors, and that is bound to make her angry"
Read Being liked in full here



The F Word Org

Celebs Come Out Of The ED Closet


In an OK! Magazine article, on September 17th, celebrities admit to their struggles with ED.  While the list leaves few surprises, as most have mentioned their past experiences with eating disorders in other magazines, it was refreshing to see a couple who have continuously denied ED rumors come clean.  One celeb I didn’t know about was Felicity Huffman.  Below are her thoughts about her eating disorder: “I was bulimic and anorexic for a while, just hating my body,” she’s said. “As an actress,...
Read ED Closet in full here. 


Happy Bodies

When I Knew Weight Didn't Matter

Even people who watched me go through it don’t really understand that I used to be anorexic.
Scene: I am a white, upper-middle-class American with a PhD mother and a successful father. Good-girl control freak, stubborn as hell—but I have never been thin.
Oh, I was not a “fat kid”. But puberty did as puberty does. Ample bust and wide hips at 5’3” meant that my doctor, with a conventional—in other words, BMI-based—concept of what a fifteen-year-old girl ought to weigh, gave me a carefully laid out speech about it, because as we all know, Fat Is Dangerous.
My mother, herself a recovered victim of a teenage eating disorder, had raised me with few food judgments, let me eat what and when and how I wanted for the most part. But she couldn’t shield...
Read When I Knew in full here. 

What Ana Says To Me: The Lying and Degrading Voice of an ED

*WARNING: This post may be triggering.

What Ana Says To Me…

“Good morning. You are looking very fat today. Can you see those huge thunder thighs? Or how about the stomach rolls you disgusting pig- you are so worthless. You deserve to be sad and alone. Nobody would want you as a friend. Wonder why you are so unpopular? Maybe if you lost 10 pounds you would have more friends.”

“But I want friends, Ana. I want to lose weight too. I hate being so unpopular. I feel fat, ugly and alone like you say. I would be oblivious if you didn’t point it out. What would I do without you?”

“It’s breakfast time. Deviate from your meal plan. If you can’t hide any food, then only measure half a cup of cereal and milk, instead of a whole. Besides you can make it up at school by purging and throwing away some of your lunch. Remember how fat you look? If you do what I say you will feel better. You won’t have to feel anything at all. All of the pain will be gone. Once you lose all of the weight, you will not have to feel any of that depression or anxiety. Then again, it’s your entire fault that you feel that way anyway. It’s your entire fault. I am here to help you get what you want, remember?

“Yes, Ana. I will measure the way you tell me. It’s my entire fault, but why Ana? I’m glad you’re in control of me. You know how much I fear having control and responsibility. Thank you Ana. What would I do without you? I don’t know what life would be like if you weren’t here. I would be all alone and so lost.

“Look at that girl in the hallway. She’s so skinny. Oh, but look at her boobs and hips. If you ever looked like that I would abandon you and leave you to rot in the hell you live in. At least you can live in hell with me! Now, since its lunch time, go throw away half your lunch. Make sure you keep the pop so you can purge. When you purge, make it hurt. Make it burn. I want you to have sores in your mouth. I want your chest to throb in pain. I want you to pick up the vomit. Puke in your hands. You are so worthless and so low that you have to break up the chunks with your fingers, without washing your hands. You don’t deserve better. Remember though, that binging means you are impure and dirty. You haven’t binged ever yet- keep it that way or I will leave you. Oh, and heads up, I just noticed how ugly your face is. You need to do something about that. Or else I won’t be able to be seen with you."

“I don’t want to do that, but I will. I see the ugly too, and I’ve got to do something about it. I feel so bad, Ana. I feel so horrible about myself. And I don’t want to grow up. I am so scared. I am afraid of the responsibility and control over everything. Plus my body will digress from what I want it to be. I will be ashamed of my boobs and hips and menstruating. You have got to help me stop my periods, Ana. I just don’t want to feel so guilty when I have them. I abandon you when I menstruate. It’s the ultimate loss of control and the ultimate form of maturity. Please just save me from myself, Ana. Save me from all of my fears. I can’t rescue myself anymore.”

“You are so horrible. You weren’t perfect today. You must restrict on dinner. You are a fat cow. Nobody loves you, and you love nobody. You hate people because of their bodies. If they are too thin, then you are not worthy of their presence. If they are too fat and you caught hanging out with them, then you are a loser. Now be done with the lasagna. You have veggies left, and if you eat them then you are a failure. Then you will be sad and alone forever. And you know that those bad feelings are one of the things that make you the most uncomfortable. “

“Tonight you are not allowed to fall asleep. You’re stomach feels so fat- you must wait until you aren’t so bloated. Tonight you will wet the bed. Tomorrow you will wake up wet and disgusting. Everyone will know your secret and you will again be imperfect. Your parents will pity you and you will be a failure. If you wet the bed, then you will hate yourself. You are worthless and alone. Remember me when you think about eating, falling asleep, or smiling. I will never leave you, ever. I will always be with you. You will never have the freedom to make choices ever again. But then again, you fear that so it’s all good. “

This is what Ana says to me.

I am going to fight the ED and announce my fears to the world! That's what ED fears the most...!
Written by: Anonymous

See sidebar menu for more ED poetry and writings

*Click here to have your Eating Disorders / Body Image poetry / writings featured on Weighing The Facts

picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ell-famous/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

Eating Disorders And Body Image Advocates And Why They Blog

As part of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I'd like to introduce you to some Eating Disorder and Body Image Advocates who blog. Some you may already know. Some may be new to you. Whether you are personally struggling with an eating disorder or body image issue, or love someone who is, these blogs are wonderful resources of information and support.

This is the first post in what I plan to be an ongoing feature.
They are listed in no particular order. Click the titles to visit their blogs.


Weightless with Margarita Tartakovsky MS

I blog at Weightless for many reasons. I blog because I strive to be an empowering voice of reason in our warped, weight-focused culture. So many of us struggle with poor body image, the diet mentality and disordered eating. I hope to help others improve their body images, befriend their bodies and learn to take better care of themselves. It might sound cliché or cheesy (or both :)), but I hope to spread the message that every body, shape, size and silhouette is beautiful and worthy of respect, love and care. That’s a fact!

I blog because I’d like to spread awareness and accurate information about eating disorders, helping to share other women’s stories, to show people that you are not alone and you don’t have to be ashamed. With the right tools and treatment, recovery is possible. If these individuals can do it, after suffering from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, drinking, deep insecurities and other issues, so can you. We are all strong.

I blog because I hope to empower others to challenge the media and the thin ideal, and to help them focus on health, not weight. I also genuinely enjoy connecting with readers, bloggers, authors and health professionals, who generously and courageously share their stories, become advocates, conduct research and do great work to help others. Together we contribute our voices to an essential dialogue. Plus, I love the creativity, release and inspiration that blogging brings. I’m constantly learning, which keeps me on my toes and is really fun.

Ultimately, with Weightless, I hope to provide readers with some insight, inspiration and food for thought.

Actively Arielle: A Voice With A Commitment

I am a woman with a story, a voice, and a commitment. I struggled with anorexia for years and now consider myself recovered. I am dedicated to helping others in the best way I know how: my writing. Writing helped me on my way to recovery and I have a sincere passion to be, at the very least, an understanding voice amid the pain of eating disorders and all that they bring.

I've never been happier, so I know that health--mental, physical, and emotional--is possible. I'm an ANAD Eating Disorder Support Group Leader in the Lehigh Valley (PA) area. I have a goal, and that goal is to share, care, and write the words that make sense. On my blog I seek to turn tears to words in an effort to heal, share, and help in the simplest of ways.

There is life beyond an Eating Disorder; I have found it. But I still know and feel the pain and suffering eating disorders carry with them. I can't forget, but I can write. Every day It is there--that terrifying It that tries to get a hold of so many others. Sometimes It succeeds, sometimes It does not. But words are tools. Turning tears to words is where it starts.

Finding Melissa

Writing an ED related blog was not something I ever anticipated, particularly as I have always been totally adverse to “telling my story”; however, after handing over more than half my life to anorexia bulimia, it was impossible to walk away without attempting to convert my experiences into something more positive.

Finding Melissa was born during a night when I thought I’d die, and realized that I needed to find a way of capturing – and then separating myself from – my eating disorder. It grew from the realization that myexperiences weren’t just mine, and that I might be able to help others through my words.

Finding Melissa is the story of losing an eating disorder and gaining an identity; and, whilst it’s contextualized in my story, it’s very much about making sense of the eating disorder experience and working through the process of re-building a life.

Eating disorders don’t just affect people on a physical level or in relation to food: the effects are often far wider. My site, therefore, explores the many different factors in play, from social to cultural, the media to growing up, body image to just being human, with the hope that by opening up a debate around these areas, people will begin to explore their own experiences and assumptions, and be able to piece together their story – and their recovery.

The interesting thing about this discussion is that many of the issues aren’t specific to eating disorders: the manifestation of eating disorders may differ, but often the feelings and contexts can be related to. This is key to helping people indirectly affected my eating disorders to understand what their loved ones may be going through; so, I’m hoping that Finding Melissa will help to improve perceptions of eating disorders, as well as helping people struggling with many of the issues that it explores.

ED Bites: Carrie Arnold

I started ED Bites over three years ago. I started the blog as a chronicle of my recovery from anorexia, and because I realized that much of what people knew about eating disorders was incomplete. Eating disorders aren't just a "control" issue, they're not about wanting to look like skinny models--they're a profound mental illness. And as I came to grasp both the "mental illness" aspect of anorexia, and its biological basis, I began to understand why it was so hard for me and others like me to break free from the stranglehold of an eating disorder.

Without this understanding, I was mired in self-blame as I tried to understand why I had gotten sick and why I couldn't seem to get better. But the more I read and researched, the more I learned to forgive myself and move forward. At ED Bites, I try to combine the latest scientific research on eating disorders with my personal experiences recovering from a long-term eating disorder.

Medusa

Horrified at the rampant rise in eating disorders and the pro-ana movement, a few years ago I began blogging about the deadly consequences of EDs, primarily through pictures which showed the stark reality of anorexia and bulimia.

Recently, I began to feature stories submitted by readers who are struggling with or recovered from EDs. I also post about celebrities, the fashion industry and magazines (especially their love of photo-shopping), and the diet industry…and how the blame for the current warped idea of the body ideal often lies squarely at their feet.

Blogging about EDs is a passion of mine, and if only one person is affected by a picture or a post on my blog which makes them think twice about purging or restricting, it will all be worthwhile.


Feed Me: Harriet Brown

I'm a journalist who's always had an interest in women's issues. And as we know, eating disorders are largely (though not entirely) women's issues. I've also always had an interest in writing about food and body image. My older daughter became ill with anorexia when she was 14, and I wound up doing a lot of research about it and writing articles about it for the New York Times and other publications. I just finished a book about anorexia, called BRAVE GIRL EATING, which will be published this fall.

I guess you could say I blog about these things because I think most people (including doctors and medical people) misunderstand the fundamental nature of eating disorders. They see them as diseases of "choice" rather than diseases of genetics and other inborn factors, and that affects the way EDs are treated. I would like to help change the way EDs are treated. Current rates of recovery are unacceptably low, and there's way too much ineffective and even harmful treatment out there. So I'm also a supporter of evidence-based treatments, of which there are very few.


Another Piece Of Cake: for women who refuse to live by numbers

I am five years in recovery from an eating disorder (ED-NOS) and my experience has opened my eyes to a new way of living. Participating in recovery from my eating disorder allowed me to pursue getting my master's degree in expressive therapies and to pursue the passions I love, like theater and writing. I currently work as a mental health clinician, and work with a range of populations including eating disorders, substance abuse and trauma.

Why do I blog? For a number of reasons. First, I believe there is a large amount of shame attached to this disease, and by sharing my story, I wish to lessen that amount and allow others to have a "me too!" moment. Second, I believe that the media bombards us with so much unhealthy information we tend to forget we do not have to think of our bodies and our esteem in a negative way. Third, I'm simply hoping to raise awareness about a disorder the general public seems to know little about. And I look forward to the journey ahead!


Happy Bodies

This project began in early 2009 when we began to talk about bodies. We wanted to talk about our own: what they look like, what they do, what we think about them. And we wanted to talk about all our bodies: health and positivity, discrimination, sexual violence, and power. We wanted a space to talk about bodies. So, here we are.

Are You Eating With Your Anorexic: Laura Collins

I blog to allow myself to respond to the world’s news and my own observations in an immediate way. I love the way I can be part of an ongoing conversation among my allies and with those with whom I do not agree. I like the way blogs link to one another and to the news and to changing thinking and ideas. I think of the blog as a place parents might find, and feel heard and less alone.

Voice In Recovery: Kendra Sebelius

So why did I start Voice In Recovery? I started it because there were a lot of memoirs out there, there are a lot of pro-ed sites, but the voices I felt I needed and wanted to hear were those in recovery. Recovery is such a dynamic process, very different for each individual. But I didn’t seem to find those voices when I was in desperate need of help. I felt the support being given and given by myself were those struggling in their disorders and that was hard. I wanted to create a place where voices could be heard, stories could be shared, and journeys could be shown to the world. I didn't know what recovery looked like, felt like. I find many people coming to me asking about recovery – feelings the struggles are hard, that recovery includes a lot of the thought processes we had in the disorder. Am I doing enough, am I far enough on this journey, am I doing it right? I have started this journey because I believe recovery is not black and white. I believe it is hard, but hope is possible. I believe there is no right or wrong way. I believe the journey is more important than the end result. I try not to get wrapped up in the thinking that because I struggle or have a bad day – that I am not making large strides in my life. I also feel I am living an authentic life, I no longer feel torn in what I do. I have days where I question my voice – but never its honesty. I wanted to start Voice in Recovery to provide a safe place for people to share their recovery stories. To find hope, and find solace in the journey. I want to provide to others what I did not find when I went looking. If I can help just one person either find their voice, or understand that recovery is possible, and that although there are struggles – there is hope in the process.

I have made it out of a very long tunnel where I should have died more than once. I made it out struggling a lot on my own, alone, and while this is my own path – I hope to create a safer, more open environment for people to not feel alone, and find friends, support, treatments that will work for them. I use my page to focus on integration – of research, treatments, news stories, recovery stories, etc. I think there are a lot of diverse voices out there – and I hope to find a way to dispel myths, break stigmas, and show that eating disorders are diverse by nature, and recovery is as well.

In the end that is what recovery is to me. Its about living. Finding a way to live authentically, live with passion, and helping others. That is my goal in life. This is my journey. continued

Our Beauty Struggles

I started blogging the beginning September 2009 for a graduation project. Which is basically a project you have to do your 12th grade year of high school to graduate. So immediately I knew I wanted to do something to raise awareness to eating disorders.

Every little girl wants to be beautiful and looked at like a princess, and I had just that as a child. My dad treated me like the most beautiful little girl alive and I think growing up and looking at magazines my mind slowly started thinking "I'm not the most beautiful anything. I need to work on it." Which is how I started having developing a lot of eating disorder tendencies. I would count calories, work out excursively, not eat enough food and eventually it turned into my obsession. To the point were I became a vegan just so i could restrict myself from all the very fattening foods, and I lost a lot of weight in just two months, I also lost a lot of my hair because of how how little proteins I would get in my day. Even though I was thin I was miserable, I was never happy with what I looked like if anything I had grown so much more unhappy. I was ruining my life all by myself.

I ended up losing a great friend of mine and that was my wake up call. I think it is impossible for someone who has gone through an eating disorder, depression, or low self esteem not to advocate about it in some day and to feel this urgency to help others. Thankfully my web site is doing really well and it has become such a huge part of me.


picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/safetylast/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

I am Divine: National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

I Am Divine

Spirit teaches me that love is unconditional
to all, for all even if not always by all
I live this
I breathe this
I do all that I can to embody this


but I hate my body

I put conditions on my body

i put conditions on myself

I love God and feel Spirit move through me

Spirit is in me

Spirit is me

so if I hate myself

I hate Spirit

which is the antithesis of all that i believe

all that i am all that i teach all that is fluid in me

My core belief crumbles when facing the mirror
for today can i love myself the way that God loves me?
for today i can love myself the way that God loves me
for today i can find value in all that i am
not who i am because i already value my who
but "that" i am
it's the physical parts that get compartmentalized
in this fluid organic Spirit that I embody, that I love, that I preach, that I live... I lock away the part of me that needs this Spirit the most


i love the person who cuts me off in traffic

i love the person who turns her nose up at my tattoos

i love the child who is being belligerent
i love the spouse who searches for answers in the alphabet store
i love the parent who knows best
i love the co-worker who never gets it right
i love the bill collector who harasses me
i love the neighbor who judges me
i love the person in the seat next to me who smells bad and talks too loud
i love the person who hates me
i love the me who hates me


i'm working on that last one
i'm calling all Spirit to guide me
raise my consciousness and help me see the beauty in this body
this body that is called to do so much
this body that is the vessel of my Divine Spark
this body that serves an ultimate purpose right here, right now, every day and every day on
this body that is screaming to be loved
this body that is making itself more and more apparent that i might glimpse its being and value its worth
this body
my body
the body of God
the precious one
the child
the chosen
the created

the creator

the author and actor

the writer and director


an authentic self is the most personal form of worship
an authentic self is true
my self revolves around my belief
my core belief crumbles when faced with a mirror

Written by: Babetta of Lived, Composed, and Illustrated by Babetta

*See sidebar menu for more ED poetry and writings

*Click here to have your Eating Disorders/Body Image poetry/writings featured on Weighing The Facts

Picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/safetylast/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Weighing The Facts Turns 2 Today

Today, Weighing The Facts Celebrates Turning Two!

The time has gone by so quickly. It has been, and continues to be, such a rewarding experience.
I'm so grateful to have met so many amazing people through this blog, and the eating disorder, body image, and mental health communities. I just wanted to take a moment to say...
Thank you!
MrsM



Picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/shaireproductions/ / CC BY 2.0

It Has Nothing To Do With My Weight: Kelly's Story

I was only 3 years old when I wish that I could cut the fat off my little rounded, protruding tummy. That’s the age my body image issues started. As for the eating disorder itself I do not even know. Maybe around 15 or 16 for occasional binging and if not binging, then overeating. I was maybe 20 when I started restricting.

My story is hard to tell for me. Not because of the details but because there are so many twists and turns in it. This is what I remember in great detail during my childhood; having surgery on my bladder at the age of 3 and thinking that I had done something wrong and that was my punishment, my mother’s stomach, my mother standing at the refrigerator in the middle of the night binging on cottage cheese, my thighs, again my stomach, my mother counting calories and feeling very old for my age in kindergarten. I had already gone through so much more than my classmates had. I felt alone and very scared.

When I got a little bit older I can remember; my first diet at the age of 14, how much I weighed, how my body was different than my friends, gaining weight by eating the candy bars I was suppose to sell for cheer-leading, trying to purge and breaking blood vessels in my eyes, being jealous of a previous friend who was clearly anorexic, counting my calories and feeling inadequate in all areas of my life. I was compared to my twin sister that excelled in school. School for me was a social thing and I didn’t apply myself at all. I always wonder how things would have been different if they had given me my diagnosis of ADD/ADHD in high school instead of when I was 30.

Around 19 or 20 I had broken up with a boyfriend and binged through the end of the relationship which resulted in a large weight gain. I decided to join weight watchers and was very happy that I had consistently lost weight and got down to my goal weight. Which I stayed at for about a day. I couldn’t stop right from the start. Just as an alcoholic, which I am; couldn’t put down a drink; which I couldn’t do, I also couldn’t stop losing weight. Until I got scared. Then I’d try to gain a few lbs; which I did but couldn’t stop THAT until I hit the previous high weight. I did this over and over in record speed between my 20’s and 30’s. I went from disgusted at myself for a high weight to being scared for myself because I was anorexic. I did the cycle probably about 4 times a year or so, maybe more. I couldn’t get off the roller-coaster ride.

My problem went undiagnosed, even from a doctor who asked me if it bothered me that I wasn’t getting my period. My favorite excuse to anyone, especially myself was…I’m only 5 fool 1 ½ inches tall. I could be at a very low weight and still fall in the guidelines for normal weight or slightly underweight. It didn’t matter if I wasn’t getting my period or bones were sticking out…I fell into the “healthy” weight on “the” charts. My body was never meant to be at the low end of those weight charts. I could never get low enough in weight to satisfy me.

Things started clicking for me that I had a eating disorder when my best friend’s little sister asked me bluntly, “Are you on drugs or just an anorexic?” I was shocked but her words made an impression on me. It didn’t stop me from using any behaviors…I was merely becoming aware that I had a eating disorder. I continued my up and down weight while I met my first husband. He loved it when I was in my anorexic stages and withheld love when I wasn’t looking what he considered was my best. I went through a bitter, horrible divorce when he walked out on me and literally skipped the state. It doesn’t just happen in the movies…it was happening in my own life. At the exact same time many horrible events started to unfold. Between May 1998 and May 1999, these events happened; my husband at the time walked out on me and fled the state of Minnesota leaving me unknown to his whereabouts; I lost my job; my Dad died; My truck that was repossessed; I was forced to file bankruptcy; my husband filed for divorce, my husband tried to sue me for filing bankruptcy which has never been done in the state of Minnesota, BUT that’s a whole different story in itself, and the little apartment that my mother embarrassingly had to co-sign for went up in flames, literally and I lost every piece of everything I had, which I had no renters insurance for. But considering they told me I was minutes away from possibly dying from smoke inhalation put losing all my possessions into perspective for me. Basically I had lost everything I ever had. I was so low that I didn’t know if I was going to ever get up again. I was so scared that God was putting me through all of this drama to get me ready for “something” bigger and I couldn’t handle bigger.

That was a lot to go through in a one year time span. It took me at least 2 years before I could even function in society. I was certainly a mess and I certainly used restricting and drinking alcohol as a coping mechanism, not to mention smoking 2 packs a day during this time. I liked how drinking dehydrated me and always after a night of heavy drinking with no food my pants was always loose on me and I craved that feeling. I was certainly quite the mess during this time. I was in so much pain emotionally that I don’t know how I survived. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other and with panic attacks and all, I managed to get to a place in my life where every living minute wasn’t filled with pain. It took me many years to get there.

I remember my first smile I had after a few years with no real laughter. I was driving home from work listening to Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline and when they get to the part that goes, “good times never been so good”…I smiled a REAL smile. It was a break through moment for me. Many good things happened to me during those “sad” years but I just couldn’t feel any joy. I did make some wise decisions though. I had met my NOW 2nd husband at the job I was working and KNEW there was no way that he was going to fall for me like I already had for him under these self sabotaged conditions that I had put myself into.

By the Grace of God, I quit drinking. I was also going a outpatient program which I had started going to in 1997. I started dating XXX (my husband) and I was starting my life over. I had come far in the few years and was complimented by close friends how I was a true survivor. I had grown closer on my journey with my relationship with God during “those” years and with quitting my 2 pack a day habit, now I was starting to build a foundation for myself. Sounds good but I was also purely using my eating disorder as not only a coping mechanism but it was my fun, it was what I knew and could do well, the low weight made me feel important and I got attention. Most of it was unwanted attention because I always hated how people came out of the woodwork when I was thinner. I hated hearing “wow, you look good” when I knew I was actually battling an addiction that I couldn’t control.

Rumors started at work about me which made me self conscious. I guess they weren’t rumors….when it was the truth. I WAS the girl in the license bureau who was anorexic. I wanted to be thin for me…not for anyone else and my weight would usually result in a small gain when the attention got too much. I also was scaring myself getting my weight to where I wanted it. I was, or thought I was in total control.

Between the ages of 29-34 I did my “pattern” of gaining weigh only once or twice each year and I mainly stayed at a low weight. At the age of 34 I happily got pregnant and did a shotgun wedding when I was 4 months along. I was sooo happy. I was having the baby I always wanted with the man that I so desperately wanted and needed in my life. Life was good. What a turn around from the previous 5 years. Life was what I wanted although I was anxious as hell.

While I was pregnant I was so anxious and mostly binged and overate to self medicate. I watched the scales rise once I let the nurses start weighing me for fear that something may be wrong with my daughter. I gained a very, very large amount of weight. I stopped weighing near the end so I don’t know what the actual total was but it was a lot. Then it took me approximately the 10 weeks I was off of work on maternity leave to lose it all in record time by restricting and starving myself. I had to get rid of the weight because I could not handle feeling the way I was feeling.

Once I got the weight off I relaxed a lot and for the first time ever I ate with not using eating disorder symptoms. I intuitively ate and it felt good and was very freeing. For about a whole year I was able to do this. Around xxx’s first birthday I had gained a little bit of weight and fear set in. I could NOT do another round of the up and down game. I think I may have been going through some post partum depression and quite sure that my body was giving in from going through a rough pregnancy and delivery and the starvation that followed. I started to sink again with fear of being a mother and fear of gaining weight. One thing lead to another and next thing you knew I was in Arizona going through a 30 program at XXX.

It was tough and when I came back I sincerely tried to eat. But I was angry for gaining weight, which was barely anything, and my team for refusing to tell me my weight in treatment. I had to take matter into my own hands again. I lost what I had gained plus some and then just continued to be in group and tried hard to recover. I really did want recovery by this time. I was tired of playing my never ending game. One really good thing came out of going to XXX. I started attending Eating Disorders Anonymous meetings. It was such a homey comfy feeling like I got when I went to AA meeting that I knew I had to start a meeting in Minnesota since we had NOTHING for support groups 3 or 4 years ago. My friend XXX and I started meetings at her house every Sunday night and then eventually moved the meeting to a nearby church. I got and continue to get a certain type of support from attending the meetings that I don’t get from going to professionals.

Starting EDA was one of the best things I have ever done. Now I serve as xxx of the General Service Board of EDA and continue to use service work as a means of recovery. I learned in my early days of quitting drinking that you really have to give away what you’ve got in order to keep it. At least for me it works. In fact most of the AA slogans work well for me….ones like “take what you can and leave the rest” and “it works when you work it…it really does” gives me a sense of responsibility that I have for my recovery as well as staying in my disease whether it’s a eating disorder or drinking.

Then I don’t know what happened but when my daughter was almost 3 years old I had a lot of flashbacks to when I was in the hospital when I was 3 having bladder surgery and I think I just lost it completely thinking of my own precious little daughter going through what I went through. I don’t remember much over the course of a few days but apparently, I called my therapist like 15 times in a row one night and for some odd reason he put a 72 hour hold on me. It was a total nightmare and I’m still trying to deal with all the details of it because I don’t remember and don’t really want to. But I was locked up for 10 days at xxx Hospital on the psych-ward. To boot, I was in the “side for dangerous people”. Not proud moments for me. I won’t even go into detail about it because I am still shocked at myself that I was acting that way. Of course many traumatic things happened in there but the worst in my opinion was when one of the doctors said to me about my eating disorder – “you’re not THAT thin”. Maybe the fact a doctor was talking to me so unprofessional snapped me out of “it” because I was only there a few more days after his comment.

It was horrible in every way but a very good thing came out of it. They put me on a antipsychotic medication that has changed my life drastically for the better. I doubt they would have ever put me on a antipsychotic if I wasn’t acting psychotic so it all turned out okay. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Anyways, I eventually forgave my therapist, forgave my husband, and forgave myself. I still have a hard time talking about those events those 2 weeks. I still don’t understand what happened. And I’m scared shitless that it could happen again. Part of my aftercare was to be in IOP and groups and continue to go to EDA meetings.

Shortly after I got out of the Hospital , I started to restrict during the day and then binge at in the middle of the night. Usually I don’t remember much of it, but in the morning I have the sinking feeling of “what did I do last night?” Funny, just like I did with drinking. My binging at night on top of eating a normal food plan resulted in a big weight gain for me. That was little over 2 years ago. I binged at night and restricted during the day. My eating disorder had totally morphed into something else now. I was diagnosed with Bulimia, non purging type. Now typically I have never purged in all my eating disorder years because it felt like too violent of an act on my body but I was so freaked out about weight that I did the unthinkable. I purged. I think it was the next day I went into my therapist’s office and said, “I need help”.

I was sent to an in-treatment facility for 30 days. It was extremely hard to leave my daughter and husband to get treatment but I couldn’t go on anymore. I had a very good experience while I stayed at the house. I was able to break through some barriers and close some doors as well as quitting the horrendous cycle of restricting then binging in the middle of the night. I told my mom and sisters for the first time ever about my eating disorder. Of course they still say everything wrong but I am happy I told them for my own sake. I am done hiding.

I am starting to be proud of myself and proud to be me. I have a husband who truly loves me regardless of what my weight is and fully supports me in every way imaginable. I opened up to my stepson about the eating disorder too. I’m tired of secrets and have spent the same amount of energy protecting my recovery as I did protecting my eating disorder and alcoholism. In all honesty, I still protect my alcoholism. I am not sure where I want to go with that. I don’t have a problem talking about it to others in recovery at all but outside of that I feel that is private. My Dad died of Cirrhosis of the Liver due to his alcoholism and I’d like to think that I silently ended a destructive pattern that ran in our family. That’s not based on shame but rather not wanting to bring energy to it.

Back to the in-treatment facility…that was last May through June and the recovery that I have made since then has become the final stretch. All though I am still working on things and honestly trying to lose the weight that I haven’t been able to lose the last 2 years I am the happiest I think I have ever been which is ironic that I am the heaviest that I’ve ever been. I started a blog of writing letters to my body and ED and vice versa. That is perhaps one of the best tools that I have encountered in my career of therapy/groups and treatments. Some other recovery tools that have significantly helped me have been putting my baby picture up on my bathroom mirror and every time I see my picture I say something nice to that little innocent beautiful baby. I’ve been doing that for 3 years now and it’s really made a dent into healing early childhood traumas and hurts. The last one, is trying to end the fat talk. I still go in spurts of doing this but I have been very aware of how I talk to myself and the relationship that I am trying to grow with myself. I don’t want to be mean to myself anymore. I want to love who I am which has nothing to do with weight.

Yep, 13 years of coming to the outpatient program and almost every form of therapy to be able to say that one sentence out loud. In case you didn’t hear me, it has nothing to do with my weight! I can honestly say that all though I may not LOVE myself quite yet, I don’t hate myself either. And that’s made all the difference in the world.

written by: Kelly M of Dear Body

*See sidebar menu for more ED poetry and writings

*Click here to have your Eating Disorders/Body Image poetry/writings featured on Weighing The Facts

There Is Honor In The Fight: One Woman's Story

For years I was sick, but didn't understand with what, or what to do about it. I couldn't eat, everything I was able to eat made me sick. I got a little better, then a lot worse. Finally what had apparently been clear to my friends became clear to me, I had an Eating Disorder.

My first intake appointment at the Emily Program (where I am currently getting treatment) was hell. The therapist was as sweet and as supportive as anyone could hope for, but I was terrified. It all got much easier after that, after admitting that I was sick and asking for help. I decided very soon after that first appointment that I was not going to hide the fact that I have an illness, and that I am fighting it.

When anyone asks what I have been up to, or what I do, I tell them, with my head held high that I am in treatment for an eating disorder. Its interesting to see the different reactions I get from people. Some of them get uncomfortable and look for any other topic to turn to, some of them get curious and ask me all manner of questions.

I'm not sure why I am so open about having and fighting this illness. I think it has something to do with knowing I will win. Also, I wonder, if people had been this open about their eating disorders when I was sick and confused, if I would have sought treatment sooner. Also, I recognize the courage and strength it takes to fight this. I know that what I am doing is more than most people do for themselves at any point in their lives. I know that I am taking the time I need to lay the groundwork for the rest of my life. I know that I am facing demons so terrifying and sneaky that many people prefer to just live with them, rather than try to eradicate them once and for all. I know that this disease is not my fault, there is no shame in it, in fact, there is honor in the fight. I hope other people see that too.

written by: anonymous

*See sidebar menu for more ED poetry and writings

*Click here to have your Eating Disorders/Body Image poetry/writings featured on Weighing The Facts

picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/narciss/ / CC BY 2.0