Razor Dance: A Young Woman's Poem About Self-Injury and Where She Is Now In Her Recovery

*Warning: This poem may be triggering

Razor Dance

Blood churns
interweaving like an intricate
bracelet encircled tightly
'round my wrist.
Sliver of raw flesh
part through my nakedness
Dancing alongside my veins
Leading me into a dance
I wanted all along.
My physical body
falls into a deep slumber
My mind slowly slums into hell
I hear drums beating
Louder, faster, lover
A suicidal dance
You caused this premature death
that you promised me
all this time-
That I thought I wanted all along.
Blood leaks
through every crevice
of my body
You slaughtered my innocence
and now I want it back.

by: Ashley

I am 18 years old and am working towards recovery. Truthfully, at this moment I do not consider myself 100% completely recovered- but I am so proud of myself at the amount of progress that I have made! What helped me with my recovery process in struggling with self-injury and an eating disorder is to ACCEPT the pain that I have to deal with instead of using those harmful behaviors to deal. I have the hardest time accepting others' judgments of me- people's words have made me feel FAT, not good enough, a waste, a disgusting person, not pretty enough, UGLY, not smart enough and WORTHLESS. Instead of hurting myself, I do things that make me feel SPECIAL about myself such as swimming, teaching and working with children, writing, running, laughing, smiling and talking it out with people I trust. Recovery is SOOOO worth it!!! Although I have developed a special, understanding place for the girl who I once was, a girl who felt so ugly and alone in this world that she tried to kill herself on her 18th birthday- I could never go back to that girl who I once was. I have developed the STRENGTH to accept others' judgments of me, and know that I am not FAT, UGLY or WORTHLESS, despite what you may say or think- inside, I know that I am BEAUTIFUL.

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picture source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/denise_rowlands/3789200837/


Christen said...

wow... your poem is amazing :)
Congratulations on your recovery!