Recovery: How Much Longer?

How much longer are you going to allow your value to be determined by your appearance? How much longer will you put off joy in wait of that one thing that will finally make you deserving? How much longer are you willing to deprive yourself of happiness because of a number, a history, a preconceived notion of beauty? How much longer?
MrsM

Dear Body: A Letter of Apology and Gratitude

Dear Body,
I know that we haven't always been close or even on friendly terms and the amount of abuse that you have suffered at my expense is astronomical but I am here to apologize and show my gratitude.

I am sorry for using you as a way to convey my pain and suffering. For all of the times that I starved you and overexercised to get my point across. For all of the harsh words that were uttered in your direction in order to avoid my true fears and feelings. For every time I walked past a mirror and shuttered at you/my reflection. For losing trust in your ability to function and do your thing. I am sorry for trying to manipulate you in ways that were harmful. For punishing you when you were not the one to blame. For taking out every hateful and painful thing that has ever been done to me, on you. But I am mostly sorry for using you as my voice when I couldn't find mine.

Body, I think your resilience is amazing. Thank you so much for continuing to fight when I had stopped and for never giving up on me. For continuing to function when you were past running on empty. Thank you for never completely giving out on me. But even more so, thanks for the reminders that I was still alive; the horrible pangs of hunger that couldn't be ignored, the fatigue, dizziness and lack of energy that no amount of sleep could cure and even the never ending coldness and the temporary loss of my period over the years. Although I usually reacted with anger and further destruction, these signs forced me to see the truth. Forced me to face the reality of the situation that I was killing myself. That I am human and not invincible. And I am thankful for these reminders before it was too late.

Thank you legs for being pillars of strength. For allowing me to walk, run and be a great athlete. For enduring long obsessive workouts and a lot of scrutiny from me. For being muscular and never letting me forget where I come from. Thighs and calves, I am sorry for cursing your size, trying to make you smaller and berating you for your inability to fit in skinny jeans. Without you I wouldn't have been able and continue to be able to do a lot of cool things like triathlons, tread water, rock climb and even walk the dog. Butt, I am sorry for trying to make you disappear and for cringing every time I catch a glimpse of you in the mirror. I hope to one day appreciate you and compliment you as much as John does. Hips, thanks for being wide and pronounced. One day you are going to make being pregnant and having a kid a little easier. Chest, I know that we have had a love hate relationship, but independent of your size, thanks for reminding me that I am a woman. Arms, shoulders and back, thanks for being strong. For allowing me to swim and for gracefully enduring all of the lengthy training and workouts that I have put you through. I am sorry for the years that I spent angry at you for being broad and for all of the times I stood in the dressing room defeated because you couldn't fit comfortably in a certain shirt or dress. You allow me to do awesome things like kayak, cuddle, hug and carry children.

I am sorry for all of the times that I believed that weight loss was the answer and forced you down to sizes that were not healthy and put you into survival mode. Organs, I am sorry for forcing you to work overtime and even start to shut down because of my overexertion and lack of nourishment. I am sorry for allowing you to be touched inappropriately and for repeatedly enduring abuse by others. I am sorry for not speaking up on your behalf and saying no. But mostly I am sorry for continuing the abuse and self hatred, even after others stopped.

Body, I know that we have been through hell together and that there are still a lot of reparations to be made and that you are still hesitant and questioning my intentions. I know that gaining back my trust is going to take time but I am so glad to be able to call you home. Just like you never gave up on me, I will never give up on you ever again. Although I know that there will be slips on the way and I might not always show my love and appreciation so openly, I am looking forward to reconnecting with you; learning how to listen to your signals, feed you properly, rest when needed, trust your abilities and wisdom, as well as appreciate your strength, size and beauty. I know you may not believe this after all of the abuse and pain that I have put you through, but I think you are amazing and I am glad to call you mine.

Love,
Daniella

*see menu in sidebar for more eating disorder and body image submissions.


picsourcehttp://www.flickr.com/photos/skipnclick/2945026921/

Father's Day: Eating Disorder Links For Dads

Happy Father's Day!

Are you a father who has a child with an eating disorder? 

Helpful Eating Disorder Links For Fathers

What Father's Should Know About Eating Disorders


What Parents Can Do

More Info For Parents

Eating Disorder Websites, Organizations, and Hotlines

Mental Health Websites, Organization, and Hotlines

Picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/lostcontrol/4226629340/in/photostream/

Weighing The Facts Turns 4 Today!

Weighing The Facts turns four today! 

What a wonderful experience these past 4 years have been. I have had the pleasure of meeting some of the most amazing people through this blog, and the eating disorders, body image, and mental health communities. Whether you have shared your comments, and/or amazing poetry and stories here (and on facebook), are a subscriber, or passerby, I'd like to take this opportunity to let you know how much I appreciate you and to say THANK YOU!

MrsM :)

The Emotional & Physical Benefits Of Smiling

Did you know that smiling has both emotional and physical health benefits? It does! 


We are blessed from from the moment we are born. We come equipped with the ability to smile at birth. It's true, we are all born already knowing how to smile.


When the zygomaticus major muscles in our cheeks contract, the corners of the mouth are drawn up into a smile. But what else is happening when we smile?


Better Than Chocolate

Researchers at The British Dental Health Foundation revealed that after participants were shown pictures of smiling people, their brain and heart activity was equivalent to being given the stimulation of 2,000 Chocolate bars.


Ups Your Serotonin

Serotonin is a vital component of the regulation of mood, sleep, appetite, and sexuality. The biological connection to elements of happiness in the production of Serotonin is evident. It's a two way street... good sleep, good mood, good food, and good sex will up your Serotonin production.


Smiling is a Natural Drug

Studies show that endorphins, natural painkillers, and serotonin are released when we smile. Together these make us feel good. Just like how exercise releases endorphins, smiling does, too. Try smiling 50 times right in row for a good boost.


Lowers Blood Pressure

Studies confirm that when you smile, your blood pressure is reduced. Smiling and laughing regularly can make a measurable difference.


Helps To Relieve Stress

Stress causes many physical reactions including an increase in blood sugar levels, disturbs the natural function of the digestive system, pulse rate increases substantially, breathing becomes faster and our breaths are more shallow.

Smiling and slowing your breathing can keep the stress from increasing and help reduce it. It's those glorious endorphins again... the feel good neurotransmitters.


Changes Our Mood & Increases Our Happiness
 
The British Dental Health Foundation conducted a study that showed the act of smiling dramatically improved mood. It increases happiness not only in ourselves but in those around us. Endorphins come into play here, too. Smiling tricks your mood into being more positive (faking does this, too) because the muscles we use to smile ties into how the how the brain assesses mood.

There's a theory called Facial Feedback Hypothesis that suggests that our expressions can actually intensify our feelings.


Increases Longevity

While happiness comes at every age, the smiles of our golden years can actually improve longevity. A study, published in General Psychiatry, consisting of participants over the age of 65,  concluded that those optimists were 71% less likely to die from certain causes, in contrast to pessimists.


Smiles Are Contagious

Really! Scientific studies have shown that people have a difficult time maintaining a frown when those around them were smiling. Their bodies react, their facial muscles twitching into smiles of their own. It actually takes more effort and muscles to frown.


We Are Drawn To Those That Smile
 
There's an attraction that happens when we see a smiling, happy, face. The smile draws us in. We want to get to know the smiler. We want share in the good feelings they possess.


A Smile Is The Best Makeup

A research study by Orbit Complete discovered that a whopping 69% of people find a makeup-free, smiling face more attractive than a makeup-wearing, non-smiling one. Another benefit of smiling is that it exercises the face, using between 5 and 53 facial muscles, helping to prevent sagging, droopy skin.


Smiling Changes Our Tone Of Voice

When we smile we project a more welcoming, warmer tone to those that are listening. Our voices convey that feeling, even if the person we're talking to cannot see us. Smiling while talking on the phone ensures a more positive and happier conversation.


We Even Benefit From A Stranger's Smile

That warm and contagious smile someone bestowed upon us actually carries over into our daily interactions with others. How's that for powerful, positive interaction?


Smiling Can Help You In Court

Smiling certainly isn't always appropriate in a courtroom setting, but when it is you may end up with lighter penalties. It's a phenomenon known as The Smile-Leniency Effect and it has shown that judges have given lighter punishments to smilers. Several court studies have revealed that it truly happens... even if you're guilty.


Universally Recognized

Anthropologists, biologists and psychologists agree that smiles are globally recognized. It's the real, teeth baring, lifted cheek inducing, squinting eye reaction that's globally recognized as a reaction to happiness.


Size Matters 
 
The size of your smile increases the pleasure you feel. Smiling wider than a grin reaps the most physical and emotional health benefits.

Smiling is infectious,

You can catch it like the flu.

Someone smiled at me today,

And I started smiling too.

~Unknown

So.. what are you waiting for? SMILE!!! It's good for you. It's good for your physical and emotional health... and so, in turn, it's good for your recovery.

Share the cheer and good health with friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers.

Everyone benefits when we smile. 

©Weighing The Facts




picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/eflon/4246570737/in/photostream/
compiled from: http://www.organicnutrition.co.uk/articles/immune.htm
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/15-fascinating-facts-about-smiling/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/18859-health-benefits-smiling/

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/benefits-of-smiling.htm

http://web.psych.ualberta.ca/~varn/bc/Kleinke.htm

http://odyb.net/discoveries/little-known-reasons-and-benefits-of-smiling/

Happy Mother's Day!

The sweetest sounds 

to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, 

Home, and Heaven

William Goldsmith Brown

 Happy Mother's Day! 

pics source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/kryten/125710155/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/30282864@N02/3484041512/

The Healing: So Much To Gain

Lyrics, music, production by Hurricane (Dorothy Hodge)

Lyrics: 
The Healing

I'll drive to the beach to draw symbols in the sand
the waves come crashing in, fulfilling dreams at my command
dark colored auras are turning purple and pink
and my restless thoughts are calming down as I start to think

I am healing my self from the pain
I am healing for myself, I have so much to gain
I am healing my self from the pain

I'm writing letters for the things I cannot say
memories left lingering are the ones I'd hope would fade away
now the years are passing by, and I'm starting to grey
avoidance all these years have left me where I am today

I am healing my self from the pain
I am healing for myself, I have so much to gain
I am healing my self from the pain

if the phone is off the hook, or I'm not answering the door
if I dont seem like the person you once knew before,
I'm resolving things inside myself so I wont have to face them anymore

I am healing my self from the pain
I am healing for myself, I have so much to gain
I am healing my self from the pain

 

Body Image: My Own Worst Enemy

 

 Looking back, I don’t remember a time that I liked my body or felt comfortable in my own skin. Somehow, early on, I came to the conclusion that my appearance fell far short of anyone else around me. My friends were thinner, prettier, and much more confident than I could ever hope to be. While they relished a new outfit, a skimpy summer bikini, and the physical changes that come with maturing, I was consumed with doubt and a deep feeling of inadequacy. I always felt fat. Always. I still do. I look through pictures of my childhood and staring back at me is evidence of a normal sized kid looking very uncomfortable at being caught on camera. There are pictures that show weight fluctuations but nothing that, in my opinion now, required much fussing over.

My mother was a dieter. She was always trying to lose weight and she never hesitated to take me along for the ride. I attended weight watchers with her. I attended overeaters anonymous with her. I counted calories with her. I learned the many evils that food presented and how its misuse was evident on thighs, tummies, and even the width of a wrist.  I don’t recall it all in great detail. For some reason it comes back to me in bits and pieces with a word here, an action there, or the recollection of a disapproving look.  I don’t think that my mother’s intent was to make me feel bad about my body, or insecure about my worth. At least I hope not. I think that she was uncomfortable with her own appearance and dealing with insecurities of her own. Inevitably, it managed to spill over into my life, wiggle its way in and, as time went on, I made it my own.

My self-talk became brutal. It carried a punch and I used it daily to beat down any chance of a positive self-image. I became my own worst enemy. Not only were those brutal words being said inside of my head, they began to spill out of my mouth in an attempt to save myself from humiliation. "After all", I'd tell myself, "how much can someone hurt you with their words if you’ve already beaten them to it?" I wouldn’t know the full impact of that for many years. I’m not sure that I know it now.  I did become more informed, eventually. With that came awareness, and with awareness came remorse. I felt such an overwhelming sense of loss. A sense of loss for the person I could have been and the life I could have had, had I learned early on what truly mattered, what truly made a person worthwhile. A sense of loss for the person I could have become if I had learned to appreciate myself, physically and otherwise.

Remorse is fine and dandy if you pay attention to the lesson learned, put it to good use, and let the rest go. Letting go takes practice and understanding. Remorse doesn’t benefit anyone as a constant companion. What I’ve come to realize is that somewhere down the line I have to let go and move on.  I have to make for myself a present (and a future) filled with what I wished-for for my younger self.  It’s in my hands. I’m responsible for giving it to myself. 

It's taking time. Little by little, I’m kicking out the negative stuff that’s roamed freely in my head for so long and I’m making room. I’m working hard to fill up those voids with more positive, understanding, self-appreciative, and loving thoughts. My intent is to make them permanent residents of my being.  This is perhaps the biggest and most important personal challenge I will ever face. The most difficult, too. Still, I don’t care how hard it proves to be, or how long it takes me. After all these years I finally understand how important it is and that  I can do this. I’m worth it.  I am worth it.

E.M.

You can find more reader submissions in the sidebar drop down menu.

Click here to share your ED/Body Image poetry, writings, or story. 

 picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/12910342@N08/3942092659/sizes/z/

Weighing The Facts Is 3 Today!

Weighing The Facts turns 3 today 

and I'm counting my blessings. 

I have had the pleasure of meeting 

so many amazing people through this blog 

and the eating disorder and body image communities.

 Whether you're a friend, subscriber, passerby, 

guest, and/or have contributed by 

sharing your poetry, stories, or comments...

I just wanted to let you know 

how much I appreciate you 

and to take a moment to say

Thank You! 

MrsM

Eating Disorders Awareness Week: Did You Know......?

Did you know that ...

• Americans spend more than 40 billion a year on diet and beauty products
• The average American woman is 5'4" and 140 pounds
• The average American model is 5' 11" and 117 pounds
• The current media ideal of thinness is achieved by less than 5% of the female population
• more than 50% of 10 year old girls wish they were thinner
• 8 out 10 women are not happy with their reflection 
• 8 million people in the US suffer from an ED
• 90% are women/girls
• 10 to 15 percent are male
• 15 percent of young women in the US who are not diagnosed with an eating disorder exhibit substantially disordered eating behavior and attitude.
• Approximately 50 percent of anorexics will develop bulimia or bulimic behaviors.
• 90 percent of women with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25.
• Approximately 60 percent of those with an eating disorder that seek treatment will recover.
• Without treatment up to 20 percent of those with serious eating disorders will die.
• 80% of children are afraid of being fat

• In your lifetime 50,000 people will die as a direct result of their Eating Disorder.

 Click here for:

* Eating Disorders Help: Hotlines, Websites, Organizations

 

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/royblumenthal/2574833687/
information compiled from the following sites:
http://www.eatingdisorderinfo.org
http://www.anred.com

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week: Let's Get Started

Eating Disorders affect 1 in 5 women 

and more than a million boys/men.  

NEDA Asks That You Do  

Just One Thing 

 to spread awareness about eating disorders.

What Can You Do?

 NEDA:

•  Everyone Can Do Just One Thing 
• Video Resource List  
• NEDA's Partner Orgs check them out for some excellent resources, information, and inspiration.
• Sign the No Weigh Declaration 
• Join NEDA's first annual "Virtual Walk," and spread awareness by posting, tweeting, blogging, talking, and walking.
• Check out NEDA's Tool Kits

Speak Up and Reach Out

• If you're keeping your ED a secret please reach out and tell someone.
• Share your story, struggles, and successes with others.
• Find support in your community, online, friends, and/or family.
• Seek professional help.

ED Resources and Information

• What is an Eating Disorder?
  
• Eating Disorder Help/ Resources
• Mental Health Help/ Resources

please see sidebar drop down menus for more info/links/resources

NEDA Video PSA Contest: It's Time To Talk About It

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is right around the corner and NEDA is having a Public Service Announcement Video Contest. Want to use your creativity and experience to help spread the word and have a chance at some great prizes, too?

Submit an original PSA for a chance to win one of three exciting prizes, including a trip to NEDA's annual Benefit Dinner in New York City, cash prizes, your PSA featured at NEDA's annual conference and more!

What you can win:

1st Place Grand Prize:

• Airfare to/from New York City (domestic only).
• Two NYC hotel nights.
• One ticket admission to NEDA’s 10th Anniversary New York Benefit Dinner.
• $200 prize/travel money.
• PSA will be shown at the Benefit Dinner.
• PSA will be featured on NEDA’s website and made available to media outlets.
• PSA will be featured at NEDA’s annual conference in Los Angeles, CA, October 2011.

2nd Place Prize:

• $100 in cash.
• PSA featured on NEDA’s website.
• PSA will be shown at NEDA’s annual conference in Los Angeles, CA, October 2011.

3rd Place Prize:

• $50 in cash.
• PSA featured on NEDA’s website.
• PSA featured at NEDA’s annual conference in Los Angeles, CA, October 2011.

Find out more about the contest.

pic source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/blhphotography/413048219/sizes/z/in/photostream/

info source: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/programs-events/video-contest.php

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope your day was filled with love, support, friends, and family.
MrsM




picsource: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ewan_traveler/4146423231/

Eating Disorders and The Holidays: Links To Help See You Through

Surviving Thanksgiving When You Have An Eating Disorder

12 Ideas To Help

Resources: hotlines, websites, organizations

Relapse Prevention

Coping With The Holidays When You Have An Eating Disorder

Giving Thanks 


picsource: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mattimattila/4001221570/

Recovery: Our Common Threads

We are unique. Each of us possesses a story, a history, a struggle, and/or triumph that will never be the same for any other person, anywhere. Our stories are personal ones. Not in the sense that they are private, without witness... but that they are simply ours, and only ours.

If you were to take two people and place them in identical circumstances you would, on some level, still get two different results because we take to each event, to each trial or celebration, to each moment in our lives... our uniqueness.

Though we are all different there is a common thread that links us together. Somewhere, in the fabric of one person's story, is a stitch or two that will resonate within us. A stitch or two that will feel familiar, connect us, inspire us.

I have never had a problem with alcohol but I can listen to a recovering alcoholic tell his/her story and I can relate. I may not ever fully understand what they are dealing with but that part that sought me out and connected with me will touch my life and change me. The underlying emotions can be so surprisingly similar.

Recovery is like that. Recovery is full of common threads. And common threads can change the fabric of our being. It is in the sharing of your own experience that can touch and inspire another who is facing their own personal struggle, or enlighten someone who is desperate to understand and help.

This is why I feature submissions by readers on Weighing The Facts and think they are so important. Because some aspect of your story will most likely reach out to another. The person who felt different and alone, finds they aren't so different. Nor are they so alone.


*see sidebar for previous submissions of writings and poetry.

If you're interested in sharing you experience on Weighing The Facts you can email me at mrsmenopausal@yahoo.com

picture source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joodles/3159122929/

Guest Blogger Margarita Tartakovsky: Inspiring Words On Seeking ED Recovery

I am excited and delighted to introduce my first guest blogger, Margarita Tartakovsky of Weightless, a blog on PsychCentral.com, which focuses on body image, disordered eating, and eating disorders. From her Q&A interviews on through to her positive Body Image bolstering articles, her posts are informative, interesting, and very inspiring. If you haven't had the opportunity yet to visit there, I suggest you run on over and check it out. I promise you, you'll be glad that you did.

Inspiring Words on Seeking Eating Disorder Recovery

By: Margarita Tartakovsky MS

Seeking help when you’re struggling with an eating disorder might seem out of the question. Maybe you think no one can help. Maybe you see your disorder as a friend or your identity. But you are not your eating disorder. An eating disorder is a serious illness.

At Weightless, I regularly feature interviews with women who’ve recovered from eating disorders. One of the questions I ask is what motivated them to seek treatment. Today, I’d like to share with you a few of these answers.

If the idea of getting treatment for your eating disorder scares you or you’re afraid of taking the next step toward recovery, I hope the words below inspire you to talk to someone and find professional treatment. Even if you’ve already seen several therapists or been in treatment a few times, that doesn’t mean you can’t recover. Maybe your therapist didn’t specialize in eating disorders or maybe the two of you just didn’t click. None of these are reasons to give up. You may have to see several practitioners before finding the right one, but with some persistence, hard work and a desire to recover, you will find the right one. All you have to do is begin.

From Andrea Roe:

I wanted to get rid of my eating disorder and tried numerous times to recover by myself but it never worked. Even though I had read that recovery does exist, I didn’t really believe it was possible for me.

My turning point was when I met my husband. He believed in me no matter what. His love and support were what I needed to find the strength in me to reach out and do what it takes to beat this disorder. He was always there for me and never judged me. With his help and support, I felt for the first time that recovery was possible, even for me.

I could not have recovered without the help and support from others. I was close to giving up the fight many times, but my support team was there for me and believed in me, no matter what. And whenever I fell, they helped me get back up again to continue on with my recovery and healing journey. And they also celebrated my successes with me and reminded me of my successes when I was only concentrating on my failures and what was wrong with me. If it wasn’t for my support team, I would not be where I am today.

From Kate Le Page:

The first time I sought treatment I had been at school for several months with … [mono] … and had become so weak as a result that I was barely able to get out of bed. I was really frightened that my anorexia was making the virus harder to fight and decided to see my family doctor. Unfortunately, all he did was begin to weigh me every month and put me on various anti-depressants. This negative experience really put me off seeking further treatment.

By 1998, in my first year at university, my friends had begun to spot that something wasn’t right with my eating habits and they confronted me about it. My attendance was already beginning to suffer as I often felt so weak and exhausted that I would skip lectures. I had really gotten to a point where I knew the anorexia was preventing me from achieving my goal of getting a good degree.

From Kate Thieda:

A former teacher of mine who had been a mentor and second mother to me for over ten years confronted me during a visit to see her when I was twenty-eight. By this time, I had struggled with disordered eating for over eight years, and was virtually paralyzed when it came to making appropriate, healthy food choices. This was not the first time she had pushed me to reconsider my behavior, but I finally acknowledged that she was right and I needed help.

From Michelle Myers:

After a near-death experience (you can read my story on my blog here), I decided enough was enough. Though the thought of dying had intrigued me for a while, once I was almost there, I realized I desperately wanted to live – and REALLY live.

For the past four years of my life, I had merely existed. Avoiding food, pushing people away in my life, spending all of my time alone on the treadmill was no way to spend my time here on earth. I lost four years of my life, and my motivation to get better was my determination not to lose any more time.

Remember that while you didn’t choose to have any eating disorder, you can choose to get help and you can choose to fight. I hope you will.

Read why Margarita Tartakovsky blogs about these issues: Eating Disorders and Body Image Advocates & Why They Blog.

What Ana Says To Me: The Lying and Degrading Voice of an ED

*WARNING: This post may be triggering.

What Ana Says To Me…

“Good morning. You are looking very fat today. Can you see those huge thunder thighs? Or how about the stomach rolls you disgusting pig- you are so worthless. You deserve to be sad and alone. Nobody would want you as a friend. Wonder why you are so unpopular? Maybe if you lost 10 pounds you would have more friends.”

“But I want friends, Ana. I want to lose weight too. I hate being so unpopular. I feel fat, ugly and alone like you say. I would be oblivious if you didn’t point it out. What would I do without you?”

“It’s breakfast time. Deviate from your meal plan. If you can’t hide any food, then only measure half a cup of cereal and milk, instead of a whole. Besides you can make it up at school by purging and throwing away some of your lunch. Remember how fat you look? If you do what I say you will feel better. You won’t have to feel anything at all. All of the pain will be gone. Once you lose all of the weight, you will not have to feel any of that depression or anxiety. Then again, it’s your entire fault that you feel that way anyway. It’s your entire fault. I am here to help you get what you want, remember?

“Yes, Ana. I will measure the way you tell me. It’s my entire fault, but why Ana? I’m glad you’re in control of me. You know how much I fear having control and responsibility. Thank you Ana. What would I do without you? I don’t know what life would be like if you weren’t here. I would be all alone and so lost.

“Look at that girl in the hallway. She’s so skinny. Oh, but look at her boobs and hips. If you ever looked like that I would abandon you and leave you to rot in the hell you live in. At least you can live in hell with me! Now, since its lunch time, go throw away half your lunch. Make sure you keep the pop so you can purge. When you purge, make it hurt. Make it burn. I want you to have sores in your mouth. I want your chest to throb in pain. I want you to pick up the vomit. Puke in your hands. You are so worthless and so low that you have to break up the chunks with your fingers, without washing your hands. You don’t deserve better. Remember though, that binging means you are impure and dirty. You haven’t binged ever yet- keep it that way or I will leave you. Oh, and heads up, I just noticed how ugly your face is. You need to do something about that. Or else I won’t be able to be seen with you."

“I don’t want to do that, but I will. I see the ugly too, and I’ve got to do something about it. I feel so bad, Ana. I feel so horrible about myself. And I don’t want to grow up. I am so scared. I am afraid of the responsibility and control over everything. Plus my body will digress from what I want it to be. I will be ashamed of my boobs and hips and menstruating. You have got to help me stop my periods, Ana. I just don’t want to feel so guilty when I have them. I abandon you when I menstruate. It’s the ultimate loss of control and the ultimate form of maturity. Please just save me from myself, Ana. Save me from all of my fears. I can’t rescue myself anymore.”

“You are so horrible. You weren’t perfect today. You must restrict on dinner. You are a fat cow. Nobody loves you, and you love nobody. You hate people because of their bodies. If they are too thin, then you are not worthy of their presence. If they are too fat and you caught hanging out with them, then you are a loser. Now be done with the lasagna. You have veggies left, and if you eat them then you are a failure. Then you will be sad and alone forever. And you know that those bad feelings are one of the things that make you the most uncomfortable. “

“Tonight you are not allowed to fall asleep. You’re stomach feels so fat- you must wait until you aren’t so bloated. Tonight you will wet the bed. Tomorrow you will wake up wet and disgusting. Everyone will know your secret and you will again be imperfect. Your parents will pity you and you will be a failure. If you wet the bed, then you will hate yourself. You are worthless and alone. Remember me when you think about eating, falling asleep, or smiling. I will never leave you, ever. I will always be with you. You will never have the freedom to make choices ever again. But then again, you fear that so it’s all good. “

This is what Ana says to me.

I am going to fight the ED and announce my fears to the world! That's what ED fears the most...!
Written by: Anonymous

See sidebar menu for more ED poetry and writings

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Eating Disorders And Body Image Advocates And Why They Blog

As part of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I'd like to introduce you to some Eating Disorder and Body Image Advocates who blog. Some you may already know. Some may be new to you. Whether you are personally struggling with an eating disorder or body image issue, or love someone who is, these blogs are wonderful resources of information and support.

This is the first post in what I plan to be an ongoing feature.
They are listed in no particular order. Click the titles to visit their blogs.


Weightless with Margarita Tartakovsky MS

I blog at Weightless for many reasons. I blog because I strive to be an empowering voice of reason in our warped, weight-focused culture. So many of us struggle with poor body image, the diet mentality and disordered eating. I hope to help others improve their body images, befriend their bodies and learn to take better care of themselves. It might sound cliché or cheesy (or both :)), but I hope to spread the message that every body, shape, size and silhouette is beautiful and worthy of respect, love and care. That’s a fact!

I blog because I’d like to spread awareness and accurate information about eating disorders, helping to share other women’s stories, to show people that you are not alone and you don’t have to be ashamed. With the right tools and treatment, recovery is possible. If these individuals can do it, after suffering from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, drinking, deep insecurities and other issues, so can you. We are all strong.

I blog because I hope to empower others to challenge the media and the thin ideal, and to help them focus on health, not weight. I also genuinely enjoy connecting with readers, bloggers, authors and health professionals, who generously and courageously share their stories, become advocates, conduct research and do great work to help others. Together we contribute our voices to an essential dialogue. Plus, I love the creativity, release and inspiration that blogging brings. I’m constantly learning, which keeps me on my toes and is really fun.

Ultimately, with Weightless, I hope to provide readers with some insight, inspiration and food for thought.

Actively Arielle: A Voice With A Commitment

I am a woman with a story, a voice, and a commitment. I struggled with anorexia for years and now consider myself recovered. I am dedicated to helping others in the best way I know how: my writing. Writing helped me on my way to recovery and I have a sincere passion to be, at the very least, an understanding voice amid the pain of eating disorders and all that they bring.

I've never been happier, so I know that health--mental, physical, and emotional--is possible. I'm an ANAD Eating Disorder Support Group Leader in the Lehigh Valley (PA) area. I have a goal, and that goal is to share, care, and write the words that make sense. On my blog I seek to turn tears to words in an effort to heal, share, and help in the simplest of ways.

There is life beyond an Eating Disorder; I have found it. But I still know and feel the pain and suffering eating disorders carry with them. I can't forget, but I can write. Every day It is there--that terrifying It that tries to get a hold of so many others. Sometimes It succeeds, sometimes It does not. But words are tools. Turning tears to words is where it starts.

Finding Melissa

Writing an ED related blog was not something I ever anticipated, particularly as I have always been totally adverse to “telling my story”; however, after handing over more than half my life to anorexia bulimia, it was impossible to walk away without attempting to convert my experiences into something more positive.

Finding Melissa was born during a night when I thought I’d die, and realized that I needed to find a way of capturing – and then separating myself from – my eating disorder. It grew from the realization that myexperiences weren’t just mine, and that I might be able to help others through my words.

Finding Melissa is the story of losing an eating disorder and gaining an identity; and, whilst it’s contextualized in my story, it’s very much about making sense of the eating disorder experience and working through the process of re-building a life.

Eating disorders don’t just affect people on a physical level or in relation to food: the effects are often far wider. My site, therefore, explores the many different factors in play, from social to cultural, the media to growing up, body image to just being human, with the hope that by opening up a debate around these areas, people will begin to explore their own experiences and assumptions, and be able to piece together their story – and their recovery.

The interesting thing about this discussion is that many of the issues aren’t specific to eating disorders: the manifestation of eating disorders may differ, but often the feelings and contexts can be related to. This is key to helping people indirectly affected my eating disorders to understand what their loved ones may be going through; so, I’m hoping that Finding Melissa will help to improve perceptions of eating disorders, as well as helping people struggling with many of the issues that it explores.

ED Bites: Carrie Arnold

I started ED Bites over three years ago. I started the blog as a chronicle of my recovery from anorexia, and because I realized that much of what people knew about eating disorders was incomplete. Eating disorders aren't just a "control" issue, they're not about wanting to look like skinny models--they're a profound mental illness. And as I came to grasp both the "mental illness" aspect of anorexia, and its biological basis, I began to understand why it was so hard for me and others like me to break free from the stranglehold of an eating disorder.

Without this understanding, I was mired in self-blame as I tried to understand why I had gotten sick and why I couldn't seem to get better. But the more I read and researched, the more I learned to forgive myself and move forward. At ED Bites, I try to combine the latest scientific research on eating disorders with my personal experiences recovering from a long-term eating disorder.

Medusa

Horrified at the rampant rise in eating disorders and the pro-ana movement, a few years ago I began blogging about the deadly consequences of EDs, primarily through pictures which showed the stark reality of anorexia and bulimia.

Recently, I began to feature stories submitted by readers who are struggling with or recovered from EDs. I also post about celebrities, the fashion industry and magazines (especially their love of photo-shopping), and the diet industry…and how the blame for the current warped idea of the body ideal often lies squarely at their feet.

Blogging about EDs is a passion of mine, and if only one person is affected by a picture or a post on my blog which makes them think twice about purging or restricting, it will all be worthwhile.


Feed Me: Harriet Brown

I'm a journalist who's always had an interest in women's issues. And as we know, eating disorders are largely (though not entirely) women's issues. I've also always had an interest in writing about food and body image. My older daughter became ill with anorexia when she was 14, and I wound up doing a lot of research about it and writing articles about it for the New York Times and other publications. I just finished a book about anorexia, called BRAVE GIRL EATING, which will be published this fall.

I guess you could say I blog about these things because I think most people (including doctors and medical people) misunderstand the fundamental nature of eating disorders. They see them as diseases of "choice" rather than diseases of genetics and other inborn factors, and that affects the way EDs are treated. I would like to help change the way EDs are treated. Current rates of recovery are unacceptably low, and there's way too much ineffective and even harmful treatment out there. So I'm also a supporter of evidence-based treatments, of which there are very few.


Another Piece Of Cake: for women who refuse to live by numbers

I am five years in recovery from an eating disorder (ED-NOS) and my experience has opened my eyes to a new way of living. Participating in recovery from my eating disorder allowed me to pursue getting my master's degree in expressive therapies and to pursue the passions I love, like theater and writing. I currently work as a mental health clinician, and work with a range of populations including eating disorders, substance abuse and trauma.

Why do I blog? For a number of reasons. First, I believe there is a large amount of shame attached to this disease, and by sharing my story, I wish to lessen that amount and allow others to have a "me too!" moment. Second, I believe that the media bombards us with so much unhealthy information we tend to forget we do not have to think of our bodies and our esteem in a negative way. Third, I'm simply hoping to raise awareness about a disorder the general public seems to know little about. And I look forward to the journey ahead!


Happy Bodies

This project began in early 2009 when we began to talk about bodies. We wanted to talk about our own: what they look like, what they do, what we think about them. And we wanted to talk about all our bodies: health and positivity, discrimination, sexual violence, and power. We wanted a space to talk about bodies. So, here we are.

Are You Eating With Your Anorexic: Laura Collins

I blog to allow myself to respond to the world’s news and my own observations in an immediate way. I love the way I can be part of an ongoing conversation among my allies and with those with whom I do not agree. I like the way blogs link to one another and to the news and to changing thinking and ideas. I think of the blog as a place parents might find, and feel heard and less alone.

Voice In Recovery: Kendra Sebelius

So why did I start Voice In Recovery? I started it because there were a lot of memoirs out there, there are a lot of pro-ed sites, but the voices I felt I needed and wanted to hear were those in recovery. Recovery is such a dynamic process, very different for each individual. But I didn’t seem to find those voices when I was in desperate need of help. I felt the support being given and given by myself were those struggling in their disorders and that was hard. I wanted to create a place where voices could be heard, stories could be shared, and journeys could be shown to the world. I didn't know what recovery looked like, felt like. I find many people coming to me asking about recovery – feelings the struggles are hard, that recovery includes a lot of the thought processes we had in the disorder. Am I doing enough, am I far enough on this journey, am I doing it right? I have started this journey because I believe recovery is not black and white. I believe it is hard, but hope is possible. I believe there is no right or wrong way. I believe the journey is more important than the end result. I try not to get wrapped up in the thinking that because I struggle or have a bad day – that I am not making large strides in my life. I also feel I am living an authentic life, I no longer feel torn in what I do. I have days where I question my voice – but never its honesty. I wanted to start Voice in Recovery to provide a safe place for people to share their recovery stories. To find hope, and find solace in the journey. I want to provide to others what I did not find when I went looking. If I can help just one person either find their voice, or understand that recovery is possible, and that although there are struggles – there is hope in the process.

I have made it out of a very long tunnel where I should have died more than once. I made it out struggling a lot on my own, alone, and while this is my own path – I hope to create a safer, more open environment for people to not feel alone, and find friends, support, treatments that will work for them. I use my page to focus on integration – of research, treatments, news stories, recovery stories, etc. I think there are a lot of diverse voices out there – and I hope to find a way to dispel myths, break stigmas, and show that eating disorders are diverse by nature, and recovery is as well.

In the end that is what recovery is to me. Its about living. Finding a way to live authentically, live with passion, and helping others. That is my goal in life. This is my journey. continued

Our Beauty Struggles

I started blogging the beginning September 2009 for a graduation project. Which is basically a project you have to do your 12th grade year of high school to graduate. So immediately I knew I wanted to do something to raise awareness to eating disorders.

Every little girl wants to be beautiful and looked at like a princess, and I had just that as a child. My dad treated me like the most beautiful little girl alive and I think growing up and looking at magazines my mind slowly started thinking "I'm not the most beautiful anything. I need to work on it." Which is how I started having developing a lot of eating disorder tendencies. I would count calories, work out excursively, not eat enough food and eventually it turned into my obsession. To the point were I became a vegan just so i could restrict myself from all the very fattening foods, and I lost a lot of weight in just two months, I also lost a lot of my hair because of how how little proteins I would get in my day. Even though I was thin I was miserable, I was never happy with what I looked like if anything I had grown so much more unhappy. I was ruining my life all by myself.

I ended up losing a great friend of mine and that was my wake up call. I think it is impossible for someone who has gone through an eating disorder, depression, or low self esteem not to advocate about it in some day and to feel this urgency to help others. Thankfully my web site is doing really well and it has become such a huge part of me.


picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/safetylast/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

I am Divine: National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

I Am Divine

Spirit teaches me that love is unconditional
to all, for all even if not always by all
I live this
I breathe this
I do all that I can to embody this


but I hate my body

I put conditions on my body

i put conditions on myself

I love God and feel Spirit move through me

Spirit is in me

Spirit is me

so if I hate myself

I hate Spirit

which is the antithesis of all that i believe

all that i am all that i teach all that is fluid in me

My core belief crumbles when facing the mirror
for today can i love myself the way that God loves me?
for today i can love myself the way that God loves me
for today i can find value in all that i am
not who i am because i already value my who
but "that" i am
it's the physical parts that get compartmentalized
in this fluid organic Spirit that I embody, that I love, that I preach, that I live... I lock away the part of me that needs this Spirit the most


i love the person who cuts me off in traffic

i love the person who turns her nose up at my tattoos

i love the child who is being belligerent
i love the spouse who searches for answers in the alphabet store
i love the parent who knows best
i love the co-worker who never gets it right
i love the bill collector who harasses me
i love the neighbor who judges me
i love the person in the seat next to me who smells bad and talks too loud
i love the person who hates me
i love the me who hates me


i'm working on that last one
i'm calling all Spirit to guide me
raise my consciousness and help me see the beauty in this body
this body that is called to do so much
this body that is the vessel of my Divine Spark
this body that serves an ultimate purpose right here, right now, every day and every day on
this body that is screaming to be loved
this body that is making itself more and more apparent that i might glimpse its being and value its worth
this body
my body
the body of God
the precious one
the child
the chosen
the created

the creator

the author and actor

the writer and director


an authentic self is the most personal form of worship
an authentic self is true
my self revolves around my belief
my core belief crumbles when faced with a mirror

Written by: Babetta of Lived, Composed, and Illustrated by Babetta

*See sidebar menu for more ED poetry and writings

*Click here to have your Eating Disorders/Body Image poetry/writings featured on Weighing The Facts

Picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/safetylast/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0