Weighing The Facts: eating disorders

Showing posts with label eating disorders. Show all posts

Self-Defining Personal Beauty

Just because you are blind and unable to see my beauty doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

I love this quote by Margaret Cho. "My beauty," she says. How potent a statement that is. She's not comparing herself to anyone else or condemning herself for not meeting the beauty standards so often set by society and so deeply ingrained in our culture. She is claiming her uniqueness, her personal beauty despite another's possible inability to see it for themselves. That's powerful!

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

Confucius

We, all too often, fall into the trap of disliking ourselves simply because we don't look like the images we see everyday, an altered beauty that is impossible to achieve. Photoshopped thinness, erased blemishes and imperfections, plumped and distorted body parts have become the norm. We rely on these images and the opinions of others to define us, so much so that we have blinded ourselves to the beauty we posses... our personal, unique beauty.

If you look closely at a tree you'll notice it's knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully.

Matthew Fox

There is a kind of beauty in imperfection.

Conrad Hall

How much time have you wasted by not recognizing your own beauty? How many things have you avoided because of how you perceive yourself? How much more are you willing to miss out on?

Beauty is not about how we look. Beauty is so much more. It's a glorious compilation of all the things that makes us who we are. It is self-defined. Self-defined. That makes it the responsibility of each of us to recognize it, nurture it, and proclaim it as our own no matter what anyone else thinks.

It's time to reevaluate, redefine, and reaffirm our own personal beauty. It is time to refuse to let the blindness of others to affect our own sight. It is time to confidently present ourselves to the world with self-acceptance, self-love, and self-respect. That is positively mesmerizing. That is... beautiful!

Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.

Sophia Loren

There is no definition of beauty, but when you can see someone's spirit coming through, something unexplainable, that's beautiful to me.

Liv Tyler

Anything in any way beautiful derives its beauty from itself and asks nothing beyond itself. Praise is no part of it, for nothing is made worse or better by praise.

Marcus Aurelius

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/starsalive/4012182601/

Accepting and Loving Your Body

Bodies. They come in all shapes and sizes. They are unique. Each one an original creation. Bodies are a true example of diversity. They do so much for us every day, yet we judge them by their appearance instead of accepting them and loving them as they are. We compare our bodies to the bodies of others. We scrutinize them, pick them apart, and find fault. We wish we had thinner thighs, bigger breasts, or flatter tummies. We wish we were taller, shorter, or less wide. We feel ashamed, embarrassed, and cheated by what we see in the mirror. We may hide ourselves, deprive ourselves, or berate ourselves because we feel our bodies are not good enough. We allow our bodies to define us.

It’s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that’s sitting right here right now…with its aches and its pleasures…is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.
Pema Chodron

Why?

Opinions vary and overlap about the whys of body dissatisfaction. One being that we are bombarded, everyday, by images of women (and men) that have been professionally lit, creatively photographed, and photoshopped resulting in a visual misrepresentation of reality. Despite the diversity of bodies in every day life, the media has created a narrowly defined and unattainable image of beauty.

A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience.
Naomi Wolf

Fortunately, these practices are no longer a carefully kept industry secret. Many have lifted the veil, exposed these methods, and informed the public. Search the internet and you'll find many examples of photoshopped fashion/beauty images that compare the true image to the final product. Actresses have come forward to speak out against their images being digitally manipulated. Some have bared their bodies as proof that what you see on a slickly designed magazine cover is not what you'd see in reality. There has also been a push to require photoshopped images to come with a warning/disclosure stating the image has been altered.

We are raising a generation of children who see these images and believe them to be real. Children who are dieting in elementary school, or being diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of 5. Grade school children who are focusing on their body's shortcomings and loving themselves less.

So, what can we do about it?

We can stop buying into the hate. We can stop permitting an industry who relies on our dissatisfaction with ourselves (in order to make money) to dictate what beauty is. We can teach our children that what they see in the media has most likely been altered and is not a fair and true representation of the human body. We can lead by example by accepting ourselves and loving ourselves. We can start being grateful for all that our bodies do for us, and less concerned with how are bodies stack up against the hype. We can reteach ourselves to love our individuality. We can start by redefining beauty. We can begin by realizing that we are beautiful just as we are.

...say bye-bye to feeling bad about your looks.

Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate? Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others. .

Oprah Winfrey

Commit to accepting your body. Commit to loving and appreciating your body right now, just as you are. Take a step forward in the direction of body acceptance/love, and another step, and another step... every day.

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.

Steve Maraboli

How are others doing it?

For me, loving my body is something that is a long way in the distance. However, accepting my body how it is is something I've accomplished. Just getting to that point was a long journey. By accepting myself, I've gained confidence. By gaining confidence, I've been able to love little things about myself. I am a curvy girl, but ED does not discriminate. Some of the little things I love are my curves and the shape of my legs. Learning to love little things has given me the peace of mind I need to get down to a HEALTHY weight HEALTHY way. Regular exercise, but not too much and eating healthy things without bingeing and without restricting. My recovery is only beginning, but I can't wait to love myself completely, fully, and unconditionally!!

Jessica, 17 yrs

I suffered with an eating disorder for many years and I have found that one of the hardest parts of recovery is learning to accept/love your body. For me it is something I still have to work at daily. For me the process really started with accepting that what I was reaching for was really unrealistic and my therapist pointed out to me that unless I literally got bone removed I would never achieve my goal. So it started with that realization and then my dietician was able to prove to me that no matter what eating disorder “behaviors I used” I was not really getting where I wanted to be. SO…I eventually had to accept that my body may be a little smarter than me and know where it needs to be. Now, I am simply at a place where I may not really like my body and I still have a struggle accepting that this is what I will look like forever…but I can accept that in this moment this is where I am and so I can torture myself or accept it . Some steps I have had to take in my recovery have been to distance myself from media image on the internet, magazines, etc. Also, I have had to continually have an internally dialogue disputing my negative body thoughts and have had to start speaking up against others body bashing. Overall, it is a daily process and simply taking one more leap of faith, and one more step forward but it is worth the journey. I no longer take 3 hours to get dressed in the morning and am able to go shopping with my friends again…Also, at my Masters graduation for the first time in a long time I was able to take a picture and not start crying after seeing it! IT was a great feeling.

Kelly, 27 yrs

I am still in the process of learning to accept my body; however, I can see how far I have come. Acceptance began when I was respected sexually. My boyfriend, now husband, did not pressure me to have sex when I didn't want to. That opened the door to me reclaiming ownership of my body. Once I saw it as mine, I began practicing appreciating what it did for me. I put it through hell! Yet my body is resilient and bounced back. Now I am starting to be open to the idea that other things beside my weight determine my worth. Accepting that I am worth more than that number is awful because then I see all the pain poured into hating something that was really okay. .. but more than that it is amazing because I can finally have moments in life where I am content.
Courtney, 24 yrs

Learning to love and accept my body has been the hardest part in my recovery, and even though I consider myself free from Ed, I still find myself having "bad body" days. Days where I feel "fat" and don't want to do anything. But I have learned how to push through these days by remembering that the feelings won't last forever. They are bound to disappear because feelings are not fact and they come and go continuously. Feeling "fat" or gross one day does not mean you are in fact "fat" or gross. I've learned that tomorrow I will probably wake up feeling amazing about myself so I hold on to that thought and keep going. Remember that you are beautiful no matter how you feel inside or what those Ed thoughts are telling you. Fight back.
Tayla, 20 yrs

I fight my battle with words, positive words and daily gratitude, words that give me a why: why should I keep my scale beneath the sink? Why should I love the girl in the mirror? Why is there more to life than counting (weight, calories, seconds on the treadmill...)? My why is puppy dog kisses and long walks in the mountains. My why is laughing with my siblings, cultivating a fulfilling career, writing in coffee shops on the weekends. My why is dreaming of a better future--working toward a future--and knowing that any future I take part in requires more than skin and bones. I still do math--in my head, walking past the mirror or as I crack my eggs for breakfast or tie on my walking shoes. But the words--positive words and gratitude--fill my head and crowd out the numbers, and, for today, I have the peace that lets me work toward a recovered tomorrow.
Kaila, 26 yrs

Start living life fully now, in your present body…
Linda Bacon

If you would like to share your experience with learning to accept/love your body to be added to this post, please email me at mrsmenopausal@yahoo.com.

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/aarika/5446195707/

Dear Body: A Letter of Apology and Gratitude

Dear Body,
I know that we haven't always been close or even on friendly terms and the amount of abuse that you have suffered at my expense is astronomical but I am here to apologize and show my gratitude.

I am sorry for using you as a way to convey my pain and suffering. For all of the times that I starved you and overexercised to get my point across. For all of the harsh words that were uttered in your direction in order to avoid my true fears and feelings. For every time I walked past a mirror and shuttered at you/my reflection. For losing trust in your ability to function and do your thing. I am sorry for trying to manipulate you in ways that were harmful. For punishing you when you were not the one to blame. For taking out every hateful and painful thing that has ever been done to me, on you. But I am mostly sorry for using you as my voice when I couldn't find mine.

Body, I think your resilience is amazing. Thank you so much for continuing to fight when I had stopped and for never giving up on me. For continuing to function when you were past running on empty. Thank you for never completely giving out on me. But even more so, thanks for the reminders that I was still alive; the horrible pangs of hunger that couldn't be ignored, the fatigue, dizziness and lack of energy that no amount of sleep could cure and even the never ending coldness and the temporary loss of my period over the years. Although I usually reacted with anger and further destruction, these signs forced me to see the truth. Forced me to face the reality of the situation that I was killing myself. That I am human and not invincible. And I am thankful for these reminders before it was too late.

Thank you legs for being pillars of strength. For allowing me to walk, run and be a great athlete. For enduring long obsessive workouts and a lot of scrutiny from me. For being muscular and never letting me forget where I come from. Thighs and calves, I am sorry for cursing your size, trying to make you smaller and berating you for your inability to fit in skinny jeans. Without you I wouldn't have been able and continue to be able to do a lot of cool things like triathlons, tread water, rock climb and even walk the dog. Butt, I am sorry for trying to make you disappear and for cringing every time I catch a glimpse of you in the mirror. I hope to one day appreciate you and compliment you as much as John does. Hips, thanks for being wide and pronounced. One day you are going to make being pregnant and having a kid a little easier. Chest, I know that we have had a love hate relationship, but independent of your size, thanks for reminding me that I am a woman. Arms, shoulders and back, thanks for being strong. For allowing me to swim and for gracefully enduring all of the lengthy training and workouts that I have put you through. I am sorry for the years that I spent angry at you for being broad and for all of the times I stood in the dressing room defeated because you couldn't fit comfortably in a certain shirt or dress. You allow me to do awesome things like kayak, cuddle, hug and carry children.

I am sorry for all of the times that I believed that weight loss was the answer and forced you down to sizes that were not healthy and put you into survival mode. Organs, I am sorry for forcing you to work overtime and even start to shut down because of my overexertion and lack of nourishment. I am sorry for allowing you to be touched inappropriately and for repeatedly enduring abuse by others. I am sorry for not speaking up on your behalf and saying no. But mostly I am sorry for continuing the abuse and self hatred, even after others stopped.

Body, I know that we have been through hell together and that there are still a lot of reparations to be made and that you are still hesitant and questioning my intentions. I know that gaining back my trust is going to take time but I am so glad to be able to call you home. Just like you never gave up on me, I will never give up on you ever again. Although I know that there will be slips on the way and I might not always show my love and appreciation so openly, I am looking forward to reconnecting with you; learning how to listen to your signals, feed you properly, rest when needed, trust your abilities and wisdom, as well as appreciate your strength, size and beauty. I know you may not believe this after all of the abuse and pain that I have put you through, but I think you are amazing and I am glad to call you mine.

Love,
Daniella

*see menu in sidebar for more eating disorder and body image submissions.

picsourcehttp://www.flickr.com/photos/skipnclick/2945026921/

10 Ways to Lighten Emotional Burdens & Create Change In The New Year

What is the number one New Years resolution, year after year? Is it health or happiness? No. More time with family and friends? No, not that, either. A financial windfall? Not even money makes the top of the list. It's weight loss.

Surprised? I wasn't, either.

There's a real shortage of self-appreciation, self-love, and self-acceptance in our society. We look at ourselves with a sharp, critical eye that's been honed to find each and every imperfection. We compare ourselves to others instead of accepting and celebrating our differences. We allow ourselves to be defined by our perceived shortcomings which, in turn, begins the cycle of self-deprecation. When I lose this weight I'll finally be happy. I wouldn't look so bad if my thighs weren't so big. If I looked like__, my life would be amazing. If I wasn't such a mess, I'd have gotten that job..... and so on, and so on. Why would it be a surprise to find that with all that we could aim for in the coming New Year, our appearance tops the list?

The reasons for how we view our bodies, and why we feel about them as we do, are as diverse as the bodies we've been taught (or have learned) to hate. No matter the reason, it's time that we put a stop to this, break the never ending cycle, and start to build a loving, healthy relationship with ourselves... and our bodies.

Let's resolve to focus less on losing body weight this year and focus more on losing the weight of the emotional burdens we carry with us every day. Those excessive, self-loathing, depressing, guilt-filled burdens that serve no positive purpose and that deprive us of living fully and joyfully. Yes, let's lose those. They are a heavy weight that we were never meant to bear.

10 Ways to Lighten Emotional Burdens and Create Change

1. let go of resentments
2. stop dragging the past into the present
3. forgive and be forgiven
4. appreciate your body, your spirit, yourself
5. let go of negative self-talk
6. stop comparing yourself to others
7. accept yourself completely without
prejudice to your appearance
8. let go of thoughts/memories that do not
serve to heal, help, or support you
9. let go of feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy
10. move past what has held you back...
with positivity, courage, and conviction

You may find the New Year to be a symbolic time to implement change but if you don't, the truth is that change doesn't require a special day. It can be created at any time... with huge leaps or small steps. It all depends on what works best for you. Just begin. Start. Difficult or easy, make it happen. You are capable and worthy of the change you seek.

Happy New Year!
MrsM.

see also:
10 Self-Nurturing New Year's Resolutions
An Exercise in Bringing About Change
5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Change Your Life
Letting Go Of Resentment
15 Quotes For Recovery In This Brand NewYear
What Are You Afraid Of? (Change)
Is What's Holding You Back Worth Holding On To?
Recovery and The New Year
New Beginnings

....
new years stat source:http://www.statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/completelist/0,29569,2040218,00.html
picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/25297401@N08/5344318688/

Happy Mother's Day!

Wishing you all a very Happy Mother's Day!

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/29290711@N04/3910341997/in/photostream/

Love Your Body Day 2011: 5 Ways To Celebrate

It's LOVE YOUR BODY Day!

You are not defined by the reflection in your mirror. You are an amazing creation both inside and out. It's time to let go of the negative images you hold of your body and give it (and you) some much deserved love!

5 Ways to Celebrate Love Your Body Day

Use Body Positive Affirmations:

I treat my body with kindness. I make healthy choices that benefit my body. I am grateful to my body for all that it does for me. My body is worthy of my own love and respect.

My beauty cannot be defined by my physical appearance. My worth is constant and undeniable. Today I celebrate the beauty of my mind and my spirit. Today I appreciate the amazing and unique individual that I am.

I am grateful for my body. I nurture and take care of my body. I take time to appreciate my body for all the wonderful things it allows me to do. Today I treat my body with dignity and respect.

Put it in Writing:

list the wonderful things your body does for you.

list the wonderful things you will do for your body.

write love notes (encouraging and positive statements) to yourself and hang them on the bathroom mirror, the dash of your car, tuck one inside your pocket/purse.

Squash Negative Self-Talk:

Replace old negative inner talk with positive statements. Do it each time you find yourself thinking or saying something negative about your body and/or yourself. Say them with meaning. BELIEVE them. Positive self-talk brings about positive results. You'll be amazed!

Be Confident:

Forget about weight, size, and imperfections. Be confident in who you are. You are beautiful just as your are!

Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.
Dr Seuss

Pamper Your Body and Your Mind:

Take a long, hot bath. Use scented candles, essential oils (lavender relaxes, sweet orange lifts your spirits, grapefruit energizes and cheers), or bubbles, and oils to moisturize.

Listen to your favorite music

Relax

Slip on your softest, most comfortable pjs and your old fluffy robe and settle down for the night with a book or a movie.

Give your body some extra love and appreciation today, tomorrow, and from here on out!

How are you celebrating Love You Body Day?

This post is part of the 2011 Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival

NOW Foundation (National Organization For Women)

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/qthomasbower/3657889982/in/photostream/

Weight Stigma Awareness Week 2011

Today marks the first day of BEDA's (Binge Eating Disorder Association) first annual Weight Stigma Awareness Week, which runs from September 26th to the 30th.

What is weight stigma?

Weight stigma, also known as weightism, weight bias, and weight-based discrimination, is discrimination or stereotyping based on one's weight, especially very large or thin people. The term is a misnomer as the stigma arises from the condition of being obese or schadenfreude arising from the suffering from the disease, and not the mass of the individual stigmatized in this manner. Weight stigma reflects internalized attitudes towards the obese that affects how these people—the targets of bias—are treated.

A person who is stigmatized possesses a weight that leads to a devalued social identity, and is often ascribed stereotypes or other labels denoting a perceived deviance which can lead to prejudice and discrimination. Common, “weight-based”, stereotypes are that obese persons are lazy, lack self-discipline, and have poor willpower, but also possess defects of intelligence and character. Common weight-based stereotypes of non-obese persons are that non-obese persons are unattractive, anorexic, unhealthy, diet and/or exercise excessively. There is no experimental or scientific evidence to indicate that these stereotypes are true, although pervasive social portrayals of obesity create and reinforce biased attitudes.
Wikipedia

Children

Weight Bias and Bullying in Schools:

Weight stigma, including weight-based teasing, bullying, and social isolation, is a common occurrence among the lives of children and adolescents. Although overweight and obese youth experience higher levels of stigma, underweight youth also experience weight stigma.
Recent research shows that weight-based victimization in the school setting is highly prevalent, occurs across all grade levels, and is more common than other forms of teasing and bullying. Despite its prevalence, some overweight and obese students report that school-based policies to prohibit victimization are not being enforced.

Numerous studies have documented the adverse consequences weight stigma has on the psychological and physical health of youth. Children and adolescents who experience weight stigma are at increased risk of depression, anxiety, poor body image, suicidal ideation, as well as disordered eating behaviors, binge eating behaviors and avoidance of physical activity. Weight stigma has also been found to be associated with poorer educational outcomes and increased school absences.
Research has shown that peers and teachers, along with parents, are the primary sources of weight stigma experienced by youth. Thus, schools are an appropriate and important venue for environmental level policies and interventions to reduce weight stigma and victimization. School-based interventions aimed at changing the social environment of the school (i.e., norms regarding weight-related harassment), have been shown to reduce the amount of stigma experienced by youth.
Obesity Society: Youth Weight Bias and Bullying in Schools

When I was younger the rules were: thin is pretty, fat is ugly.From the tender age of two until I was 12, adults seemed to be in awe of my thin body. I had one neighbor count my ribs every time I saw her, and another neighbor who, when I complained that I wanted rounder hips, said, “Trust me, one day you’ll miss those hip bones.
The body ‘compliments’ stopped when I entered puberty and I gained weight and fat –natural life processes that I didn’t think of as “bad” until others around me started to tell me that this new weight looked “bad” on me. One day my mom called me her “stocky daughter” and I was mortified.
Because of comments like those, I spent the next 16 years of my life on diets, exercising and speaking self‐loathing body thoughts. And for 16 years I denied my body its genetically natural weight and shape.
It was a miserable existence.
Kathleen MacDonald: BEDA Stories PDF

Adults

The Workplace:

There is clear evidence of weight stigma and bias in multiple aspects of daily life for obese individuals. Negative perceptions of obese persons exist in employment settings where obese employees are viewed as less competent, lazy and lacking in self-discipline by their co-workers and employers. These attitudes can have a negative impact on wages, promotions and decisions about employment status for obese employees.
Research studies also show that obese applicants are less likely to be hired than thinner applicants, despite having identical job qualifications. There are also increasing legal cases emerging where obese employees have been fired or suspended because of their weight, despite demonstrating good job performance and even though their body weight was unrelated to their job responsibilities.
OAC: Understanding the Negative Stigma of Obesity and its Consequences

Discrimination against overweight people--particularly women--is as common as racial discrimination, according to a study by the Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity at Yale University.

"These results show the need to treat weight discrimination as a legitimate form of prejudice, comparable to other characteristics like race or gender that already receive legal protection," said Rebecca Puhl, research scientist and lead author.

The study documented the prevalence of self-reported weight discrimination and compared it to experiences of discrimination based on race and gender among a nationally representative sample of adults aged 25- to 74-years-old. The data was obtained from the National Survey of Midlife Development in the United States.

The study also revealed that women are twice as likely as men to report weight discrimination and that weight discrimination in the workplace and interpersonal mistreatment due to obesity is common.
Science Daily

In Healthcare:

Unfortunately, weight stigma also exists in healthcare settings. Negative attitudes about overweight patients have been reported by physicians, nurses, dietitians, psychologists, and medical students. Research shows that even healthcare professionals who specialize in the treatment of obesity hold negative attitudes.
It is not yet known how bias among healthcare professionals affects the quality of care they provide to obese patients. However, some studies have indicated that obese patients are reluctant to seek medical care, and may be more likely to delay important preventative healthcare services and cancel medical appointments. One reason for these experiences may be weight bias in healthcare settings.
OAC: Understanding the Negative Stigma of Obesity and its Consequences

“I grew up with a Mom that was morbidly obese from compulsive overeating. Through out her life she experienced a lot of hurt and discrimination because of her weight. Discrimination and plain ignorance ultimately killed her. In May of 2008 she was admitted to the hospital with shortness of breathe. She received a blood transfusion and seemed to be recovering. The doctors did not know why she needed a transfusion. One doctor thought a bone marrow test should be done but then quickly dismissed the idea because of my Mom's size. The doctor even joked about her being to big...laughing that she (the doctor) was so petite & getting to my Mom's hip would be too hard because of her size. In the end that test would of proved beneficial. Less then a year later my Mom died suddenly from complications to amlyoidosis. A disease that would have been detected with a bone marrow test.”
Fran Erbe: BEDA stories PDF

Has weight stigma touched your life? I invite you to share your story on Weighing The Facts. Email me at mrsmenopausal@yahoo.com.

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/estenh/4163978077/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Be Body Positive Day 2011 is Right Around the Corner

Bombarded by images and messages from the media, and society in general, women are faced with often impossible standards to hold ourselves and our bodies to.

April 7th, 2011 welcomes the second annual Be Body Positive Day. It's all about loving yourself, loving your body, and seeking healthy pleasures. It's your right!

The event is the creation of the non-profit organization,
The Body Positive:

The Body Positive is a community of women and girls who support each other in laying down the burdens of judgment, comparison, and shame. We include ourselves—and all women—in our definition of beauty because we believe that soul expression and life force are the qualities that make a woman truly attractive. We have chosen to pursue joyful healthy lives with a focus on purposeful living.

So take this day to treat yourself to some extra special, self-loving activities and appreciate yourself and all women, everywhere.

Do at least one thing that makes you feel great about your body!

Ideas to help celebrate Be Body Positive Day:

Write yourself a love letter.
Go for a walk along the beach, in the woods, or somewhere you love, and take notice of all the beauty around you. Bring your camera with you!
Take your favorite book into the tub and have a long soak.
Squelch those negative thoughts and replace them with positive, self-appreciative ones.
Journal about how wonderful your body is.
Remind yourself how grateful you are to be you.

What are you going to do to celebrate Be Body Positive Day?

Connect with The Body Positive:
Org
Facebook
Twitter

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/luder5/4223909842/

Body Image: My Own Worst Enemy

Looking back, I don’t remember a time that I liked my body or felt comfortable in my own skin. Somehow, early on, I came to the conclusion that my appearance fell far short of anyone else around me. My friends were thinner, prettier, and much more confident than I could ever hope to be. While they relished a new outfit, a skimpy summer bikini, and the physical changes that come with maturing, I was consumed with doubt and a deep feeling of inadequacy. I always felt fat. Always. I still do. I look through pictures of my childhood and staring back at me is evidence of a normal sized kid looking very uncomfortable at being caught on camera. There are pictures that show weight fluctuations but nothing that, in my opinion now, required much fussing over.

My mother was a dieter. She was always trying to lose weight and she never hesitated to take me along for the ride. I attended weight watchers with her. I attended overeaters anonymous with her. I counted calories with her. I learned the many evils that food presented and how its misuse was evident on thighs, tummies, and even the width of a wrist. I don’t recall it all in great detail. For some reason it comes back to me in bits and pieces with a word here, an action there, or the recollection of a disapproving look. I don’t think that my mother’s intent was to make me feel bad about my body, or insecure about my worth. At least I hope not. I think that she was uncomfortable with her own appearance and dealing with insecurities of her own. Inevitably, it managed to spill over into my life, wiggle its way in and, as time went on, I made it my own.

My self-talk became brutal. It carried a punch and I used it daily to beat down any chance of a positive self-image. I became my own worst enemy. Not only were those brutal words being said inside of my head, they began to spill out of my mouth in an attempt to save myself from humiliation. "After all", I'd tell myself, "how much can someone hurt you with their words if you’ve already beaten them to it?" I wouldn’t know the full impact of that for many years. I’m not sure that I know it now. I did become more informed, eventually. With that came awareness, and with awareness came remorse. I felt such an overwhelming sense of loss. A sense of loss for the person I could have been and the life I could have had, had I learned early on what truly mattered, what truly made a person worthwhile. A sense of loss for the person I could have become if I had learned to appreciate myself, physically and otherwise.

Remorse is fine and dandy if you pay attention to the lesson learned, put it to good use, and let the rest go. Letting go takes practice and understanding. Remorse doesn’t benefit anyone as a constant companion. What I’ve come to realize is that somewhere down the line I have to let go and move on. I have to make for myself a present (and a future) filled with what I wished-for for my younger self. It’s in my hands. I’m responsible for giving it to myself.

It's taking time. Little by little, I’m kicking out the negative stuff that’s roamed freely in my head for so long and I’m making room. I’m working hard to fill up those voids with more positive, understanding, self-appreciative, and loving thoughts. My intent is to make them permanent residents of my being. This is perhaps the biggest and most important personal challenge I will ever face. The most difficult, too. Still, I don’t care how hard it proves to be, or how long it takes me. After all these years I finally understand how important it is and that I can do this. I’m worth it. I am worth it.

E.M.

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Weighing The Facts Is 3 Today!

Weighing The Facts turns 3 today

and I'm counting my blessings.

I have had the pleasure of meeting

so many amazing people through this blog

and the eating disorder and body image communities.

Whether you're a friend, subscriber, passerby,

guest, and/or have contributed by

sharing your poetry, stories, or comments...

I just wanted to let you know

how much I appreciate you

and to take a moment to say

Thank You!

MrsM

Eating Disorders: Seen Around The Web

Letters To My Body

Synchronized

Today’s letter is very special to me because it was written by one of my very best Blends (Blog Friends), Jen (“a prior fat girl”). I had the opportunity to meet Jen in May at a blogger’s conference, and we became fast friends. I respect the journey that she has taken on, and she has now lost about 100 pounds through a proper diet and exercise. She chose her health above everything else, even when she was faced last year with the most tragic moment of her life. Her journey has been long, and she still fights battles along with the rest of us. To me, her letter is a great example of how to move forward and forgive yourself after years of abuse...
Read Synchronized in full here.

Laura's Soap Box

Being liked is overrated, too

I hear a lot of complaining about eating disorder clinicians. I do a fair bit of complaining myself. But at least some of the time I remind myself that being disliked for doing your job isn't always a sign of doing it wrong: it is often a sign of good practice.

A doctor I admire wrote something on an ED message board this week: "You do not need to be the patient's friend, or confidant, and you shouldn't be someone she wants to bring home for dinner right now, as anyone that is doing their job with her will be working against the ED behaviors, and that is bound to make her angry"
Read Being liked in full here

The F Word Org

Celebs Come Out Of The ED Closet

In an OK! Magazine article, on September 17th, celebrities admit to their struggles with ED. While the list leaves few surprises, as most have mentioned their past experiences with eating disorders in other magazines, it was refreshing to see a couple who have continuously denied ED rumors come clean. One celeb I didn’t know about was Felicity Huffman. Below are her thoughts about her eating disorder: “I was bulimic and anorexic for a while, just hating my body,” she’s said. “As an actress,...
Read ED Closet in full here.

Happy Bodies

When I Knew Weight Didn't Matter

Even people who watched me go through it don’t really understand that I used to be anorexic.
Scene: I am a white, upper-middle-class American with a PhD mother and a successful father. Good-girl control freak, stubborn as hell—but I have never been thin.
Oh, I was not a “fat kid”. But puberty did as puberty does. Ample bust and wide hips at 5’3” meant that my doctor, with a conventional—in other words, BMI-based—concept of what a fifteen-year-old girl ought to weigh, gave me a carefully laid out speech about it, because as we all know, Fat Is Dangerous.
My mother, herself a recovered victim of a teenage eating disorder, had raised me with few food judgments, let me eat what and when and how I wanted for the most part. But she couldn’t shield...
Read When I Knew in full here.

Recovery Quote Of The Week: August 18, 2010

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to the know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr
click picture to see larger size.

See sidebar menu for more Recovery Quotes Of The Week and Inspirational Recovery Quotes.

picture source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/extranoise/156690123/

Recovery Quote Of The Week: June 29th, 2010

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.
Unknown

*See sidebar menu for more Recovery Quotes Of The Week and Inspirational Recovery Quotes

picture source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/go-lili/3964048642/

Recovery Quote Of The Week: June 22, 2010

Life: it is about the gift, not the package it comes in.
Dennis P. Costea Jr.

picture source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cauzinha/548387955/

Recovery Quote Of The Week: June 15, 2010

It's not where you're from; it's where you're going. It's not what you drive; it's what's driving you. It's not what's on you; it's what's in you. It's not what you think; it's what you know.
Gatorade commercial

*See sidebar for more Recovery Quotes Of The Week and Inspirational Recovery Quotes

picture source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/arcticpuppy/4299391444/

Weighing The Facts Turns 2 Today

Today, Weighing The Facts Celebrates Turning Two!

The time has gone by so quickly. It has been, and continues to be, such a rewarding experience.
I'm so grateful to have met so many amazing people through this blog, and the eating disorder, body image, and mental health communities. I just wanted to take a moment to say...
Thank you!
MrsM

Picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/shaireproductions/ / CC BY 2.0

Hungry For Love: A Valentine To Yourself

Ah, Valentine's Day. The celebration of love. The demonstrations of affection. The heady, sweet confirmation that we are loved, special, unique, and deserving ... a confirmation we sometimes take too seriously, and place too much emphasis on. The truth of the matter is that no matter what the outside world does, or doesn't hand us today, we are already all of these things.

So for this Valentine's Day, make yourself the first recipient of your love and affection. Celebrate yourself, love yourself, and renew your relationship with yourself. Take a few moments to give yourself a valentine.

Affirmations:

Loving myself heals me; body, mind, and soul.
I deserve love and respect as I am.
I love my body, care for it, and appreciate it.
I choose happiness, no matter what my circumstances.
I believe in myself and so do others.
I am beautiful in mind, spirit, and body.
I am unique, special, and deserving.
I accept my body as it is.
I honor, respect, and appreciate myself.
I listen to and trust my inner wisdom.
I treat myself with kindness.
I create my thoughts and my reality.
My beautiful body is home to my beautiful spirit.
I lovingly create my own reality.
I love and accept myself.
Everyday gets better and better.
My possibilities are endless.
I am worthy.
I release the past and live in the present.

Write:

Put it into words. Make a list of all the things you appreciate about yourself. No matter how small or unimportant it may seem to you at the time, write it down. Do you find this difficult to do? Pretend that someone you really care about has asked you to write down their positive attributes. Now, pretend that you are that someone. Take a step back and see yourself without any of the negative internal dialogue influencing your vision ... and write.

Write a letter to the negativity, that part of yourself that whispers or screams. Acknowledge it's existence. If you know why it exists, tell it so. If you don't, let it know that, too. Make it aware that no matter the reason for it "being," it is a separate entity from yourself and you don't need it around anymore ... then mentally pack it's bags for it and kick it out the door.

Write positive affirmations on pieces of paper and tape them to places you will see them often, throughout your day; the mirror, the dashboard, your pillow, the backdoor, over the kitchen sink. Read them aloud, with conviction. Stay in the moment and let the truth of those words sink in. Feel them.

Reaffirm what recovery means to you. Write down what you have gained (or will gain) from your recovery. Tuck the list in your wallet to take out and read when you need reminding.

Choose a small, positive change you'd like to achieve and make it your goal for the month. Write it down in a pocket calendar. Set aside time each day to give to that change. Even the smallest of changes can make a big difference in your life.

Write a letter to your body and let it know that you're grateful for all it has done for you.

Keep a gratitude journal. Each night, before bed, write down something (big or small,) from your day that you're grateful for.

Write down the things that you keep to yourself, the scary things, the nagging secrets of truth or imagination that we are all familiar with. Those things that haunt you, tug at you, and surface to suck the life and joy out of life. Bring them out from their hidden places. Write them each on their own piece of paper. Whether they be real or imagined, read each one and acknowledge that they are what they are but they do not define you. Then tear them into tiny pieces, flush them down the toilet... whatever will have the most significant impact for you.

Speak up. Speak out. Say it aloud. Say it with kindness:

Speak kindly of yourself when talking to others. Be positive. Be confident. Speak kindly to yourself, too. If you wouldn't say it to someone you love and respect then don't say it to/about yourself. If you have a hard time doing this, fake it. Yes, fake it! How do things become a part of our everyday lives, become second nature? Practice. Repetitiveness. As the recovery quote goes... fake it until you make it.

Quotes:

It is not selfish or narcissistic to love yourself. It is your first and foremost responsibility.
~Alan Cohen

The first thing is to convince yourself that life's more fun if you love yourself. Don't worry about trying to find other people to love you. Love yourself first.
~Dr. Lynn Cutts

Loving yourself allows you to see the beauty in others. It opens your senses to the brilliance of divine light, to the sweetness of your own life experience and to the power of your focused incarnation. Loving yourself allows your consciousness to assume the shape of love, which makes you at once loving and lovable. But most of us are very stingy with the love we offer ourselves. ~Rebbie Straubing

Respect yourself and others will respect you.
~Confucius

Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.
~Leo F. Buscaglia

Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults.
~Les Brown

Remember to be yourself, can't think of anyone better qualified.
~Pharnell Raines

When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
~Lao-Tzu

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not you go out and look for a successful personality an duplicate it.
~Bruce Lee

Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide.
~Marva Collins

An individual's self-concept is the core of his personality. It affects every aspect of human behavior: the ability to learn, the capacity to grow and change. A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success in life.
~Dr. Joyce Brothers

Nobody will think you're somebody if you don't think so yourself.
~African-American proverb

Self-love is not opposed to the love of others.
~Dr. Karl Menninger

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.
~Maya Angelou

Happy Valentine's Day!

Check these out:
Starting To Love Yourself
Making Me Magazine. Written by Melissa of Finding Melissa.

Valentine's Day Doesn't Have To Suck Again
To Write Love On Her Arms

Self-Worth: The Unconditional Love Of Self
Using Affirmations
Believing in Yourself
Self-Love Quotes
Self-Worth Quotes
Our Bodies

picture source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/drics/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Eating Disorder Poll: Thanksgiving Day Feelings

While so many happily look forward to celebrating Thanksgiving Day with their family and friends, how does it affect your feelings? Please take a moment to participate in the poll located in the sidebar and share your feelings with others.
Thank you.

This poll is closed. Thanks to all who participated.

Poll Results:
Eating Disorders and Thanksgiving Day Feelings

Anxious	71 (63%)
Fearful	53 (47%)
Grateful	18 (16%)
Afraid I'll Relapse	22 (19%)
Afraid ED will B discovered	25 (22%)
Happy 2 B with loved 1s	22 (19%)
Indifferent	12 (10%)
Afraid I'll binge	63 (56%)
Afraid I'll purge	39 (35%)
Not attending TG dinner	12 (10%)
Preparing TG dinner	15 (13%)
Attending TG dinner	44 (39%)
In recovery	40 (36%)
Not in recovery	24 (21%)