RECOVERY: Fostering Positive Self-Esteem In Children

Positive Self-Esteem is essential to a happy, healthy life. It gives us the ability to adapt, grow, cope, and survive. It allows us to successfully navigate the frustrations, difficulties, and problems that we will inevitably be faced with along the way. 

Parents are crucial to a child’s positive sense of self.  A parent’s role is to provide stability, security, and love so children will flourish and grow to be self-confident, responsible, and capable. It is of great importance that parents are role models who display a positive view of self so the child will learn by example.

Self-esteem isn’t arrogant, self absorbed, or narcissistic. It’s a healthy understanding of who you are. It is liking yourself for who you are.

When a child (or adult) has a positive self-concept they are empowered, and protected.  Understanding yourself, your beliefs, strengths, and even weaknesses, strengthens a child’s ability to understand, withstand, cope, and handle difficult situations and decisions.

 

Self–Esteem = our self-perceptions

       How we define ourselves - which influences:

·      Motivation

·      Attitude

·      Behavior

·      Emotional adjustment

·      Fluctuates as kids grow

What affects a child’s self-esteem?
 

·      How much they feel loved, wanted, appreciated.

·      The child’s view of himself

·      His/Her sense of achievement

·      How he/she relates to others

A child with good self-esteem learns flexibility, communication, resilience, and problem solving.

These skills help the child adapt and better handle:

·      Stressful situations

·      Negative pressures

·      Conflicts with peers

·      Peer pressure

 A child with low self-esteem will experience: 

·      Difficulty finding solutions to problems

·      Passiveness

·      Withdrawal

·      Depression

·      Fearful of challenges

Patterns of Self-Esteem start early in life.

·      Reaching milestones gives a sense of accomplishment

·      Continued attempts to accomplish after failed attempts teaches “can do” attitude (try, fail, try, fail, try again, succeed. This helps develop positive ideas about their capabilities)

·      Success follows persistence

Parental Involvement = accurate, healthy self-perceptions

·      Feel loved.  

·      Feel capable

·      Feel appreciated (by parents and others)

·      Feel confident in decision making

·      Feel independent

·      Feel that they heard

·      Feel their opinions count

·      Feel encouragement

·      Develop mutual respect

·      Feel successful

Warning signs of Unhealthy Self-Esteem

·      Hesitant to try new things

·      Frequently speaks negatively about self

·      Easily frustrated

·      Gives up self power easily

·      Looks for someone else to take over/lead

·      View temporary situations and set backs as permanent

·      Pessimistic

·      Behavioral problems

Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem

·      Easily interacts with others

·      Enjoy others. Is comfortable in social situations

·      Can separate self from disappointments

·      Can ask for help and admit they don’t understand something

·      Knows and accept their strengths and weaknesses.

·      Optimistic

·      Sense of identity

·      Independence

·      Motivation

·      Persistance

What Parents Can Do

·      Love, unconditionally

·      Start from the time they are born to make them feel safe, secure, loved, and valued.

·      Mind your words. Kids are sensitive to what parents say.

·      Praise your child for both efforts and for jobs well done.

·      Praise frequently

·      Be honest

·      Positively acknowledge their efforts and completion of tasks despite the outcome.

·      Be a role model. Nurture your own self-esteem. Watch what you say in relation to yourself. They’re listening and affected by it.

·      Help develop a healthy self-concept by helping them set more accurate standards for themselves.

·      Be affectionate. Your love will boost their self-esteem.

·      Give positive, accurate feedback.

·      Acknowledge their feelings

·      Reward positive choices (will foster right choices in the future)

·      Give them a safe, loving home environment

·      Be aware of signs of trouble outside of the home

·      Help kids get involved. (Mentoring, volunteering, helping a    younger sibling will boost self-esteem)

·      Encourage them to express themselves (both the good and the bad)

·      Teach them to respect the opinions of others and not let others disrespect them

·      Teach strategies to help them say no to things that go against their values and beliefs.

·      Make them feel special

·      Let them make mistakes

·      Encourage them

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny. 

Ryan Caffro

See also:   

Body Image and Self-Esteem links

Self-Worth: The Unconditional Love Of Self 

Self Worth Quotes

©Weighing The Facts

Pic source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinkpoppyimages/5894557456/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Sources: http://www.more-selfesteem.com/child_self_esteem.htm
http://extension.missouri.edu/bsf/selfesteem/index.htm

Dove Campaign For Real Beauty

National Report On The State Of Self-Esteem:

7 out of 10 girls believe they are not good enough; looks, school performance, relationships.

75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities; disordered eating, smoking, drinking, cutting, bullying when feeling bad about themselves.

57% have a mother who criticizes her own look.

View Report



Free Tools:

Girls Only

Interactive Self-Esteem Zone; Games, Quizzes, Etc.

Girl Scout/Dove Self-Esteem Program












Moms and Mentors

True You Workbook

True You Mother's Guide

Find a Workshop Near You.

See also:
The True Beauty Wales Competition
Self-Esteem Tests

videos and pictures courtesy of Dove Campaign For Real Beauty

Body Image And Self-Esteem

Body Image: is a term which may refer to our perceptions of our own physical appearance, or our internal sense of having a body which is constructed by the brain. Essentially a person's body image is how they perceive their exterior to look, and in many cases this can be dramatically different to how they actually appear to others. From the point of view of psychoanalysis, the French child psychoanalyst Francoise Dolto has developed a theory concerning the unconscious body image.[1] Negative feelings towards a person's body can in some cases lead to mental disorders such as depression or eating disorders, though there can be a variety of different reasons why these disorders can occur. Within the media industry there have recently been popular debates focusing on how Size Zero models can negatively influence young people into feeling insecure about their own body image. It has been suggested that size zero models be banned from cat walks.

Self-Esteem: reflects a person's overall self-appraisal of their own worth.

Self-esteem encompasses both beliefs (for example, "I am competent/incompetent) and emotions (for example: truimph/despair, pride/shame). Behavior may reflect self-esteem, in (for example: assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution).

Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations (state self-esteem) occur.

Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example: "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or have global extent (for example: "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general").

see also:
Body Image Tests
Self-Esteem Tests
Using Afirmations
Self-Worth: The Unconditional Love Of Self
*see sidebar for more Resources and Tools.

Sources: http://youtube.com/watch?v=gC9g-1MJdE4
Body image: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_image
Self-Esteem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem

PSA From Your Body

Bamagal posted about this at her blog, Kimkins Scam and I had to share it. It's a video from Michelle at Mouthfeel. Your body has a message for you that is absolutely wonderful. Check it out.

A Public Service Announcement From Your Body




Sources: http://peggynature.wordpress.com/2008/03/09/a-public-service-announcement-fromyour-body/#comment-312 http://kimkinsscam.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/need-a-good-boost-today/ picture:http://www.flickr.com/photos/altemark/337248947/

Building Self-Esteem

Silverstone defines self-esteem as "the sense of contentment and self-acceptance that stems from a person's appraisal of their own worth, significance, attractiveness, competence and ability to satisfy their aspirations" (Silverstone 1992).
Read about self-esteem, it's development, and importance in this excellent article by Kathy Hanlon.

"Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, and our behavior clearly reflects those feelings. For example, a child or teen with high self-esteem will be able to:

• act independently
• assume responsibility
• take pride in his accomplishments
• tolerate frustration
• attempt new tasks and challenges
• handle positive and negative emotions
• offer assistance to others

On the other hand, a child with low self-esteem will:

• avoid trying new things
• feel unloved and unwanted
• blame others for his own shortcomings
• feel, or pretend to feel, emotionally indifferent
• be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration
• put down his own talents and abilities
• be easily influenced"

The above from: Helping Your Child Develop Self-Esteem
A strong, positive sense of self is important in everyday life, and a powerful weapon against eating disorders.

Some simple ways to help build self-esteem in your child:

• "Be generous with praise. Parents must develop the habit of looking for situations in which children are doing good jobs, displaying talents, or demonstrating positive character traits. Remember to praise children for jobs well done and for effort.
• Teach positive self-statements. It is important for parents to redirect children's inaccurate or negative beliefs about themselves and to teach them how to think in positive ways.
• Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame. Blame and negative judgments are at the core of poor self-esteem and can lead to emotional disorders.
• Teach children about decision making and to recognize when they have made good decisions. Let them "own" their problems. If they solve them, they gain confidence in themselves. If you solve them, they'll remain dependent on you. Take the time to answer questions. Help children think of alternative options.
• Show children that you can laugh at yourself. Show them that life doesn't need to be serious all the time and that some teasing is all in fun. Your sense of humor is important for their well-being."

The above from: Your Child’s Mental Health: Building Self-Esteem in Children
See how you score on this quiz about eating disorders and self-esteem: Eating Disorders & Self Esteem Quiz

See sidebar for list and links to Resources and Tools for more self-assessment tests.

For more information please visit: National Association For Self-esteem

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/Ca-0048/default.asp
http://www.vanderbilt.edu/AnS/psychology/health_psychology/esteem.htm#Risk%20Factors%20For%20Low%20Self-Esteem...
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/self_esteem.shtml
picsourcehttp://www.flickr.com/photos/rogerss1/2875665576/