Weighing The Facts

Inspirational Recovery Quotes: Choosing Happiness

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.

Dalai Lama

It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

Andy Rooney

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
Bob Moawad

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.

Dale Carnegie

I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness.

Drew Barrymore

When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

Oprah Winfrey

People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.

Kevyn Aucoin

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Helen Keller

Happiness is not in our circumstances but in ourselves. It is not something we see, like a rainbow, or feel, like the heat of a fire. Happiness is something we are.
John B. Sheerin

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.

Denis Waitley

Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.

Democritus

The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.

Marcel Pagnol

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

John Barrymore

Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.

Dale Carnegie

When I was in grade school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn't understand the assignment,

I told them they didn't understand life

Unknown

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.

Charles Spurgeon

Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day.
Indian Proverb

Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.

But if you turn your attention to other things, It comes and sits softly on your shoulder.

Henry David Thoreau

You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. Elizabeth Gilbert

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn

If you think sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven't danced in the rain.

Unknown

Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.

Alice Walker

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

Albert Camus

You are free to experience life negatively or positively, and the choice you make determines whether you are at cause, or at effect, of the life you are living.
Marianne Williamson

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.

Thomas Merton

There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.

Henry David Thoreau

What is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?

Albert Camus

Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things.
Ann Brashares

I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
Martha Washington

It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.

L.M. Montgomery

Happiness always sneaks in a door you did not think was open.

Anony-mouse

Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.

Thomas Jefferson

Happiness is not an accident. Nor is it something you wish for. Happiness is something you design.
Jim Rohn

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

Dale Carnegie

It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come.

Dalai Lama

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.
Dale Carnegie

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Buddha

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.

Richard Bach

It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness.

Thomas Jefferson

Happiness is the result of my decision to be happy. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. In other words, happiness is a feeling I tap into, not an outcome of events. I can be happy without changing anything in my life except my relationship to my own thinking. I decide to be happy and commit myself to making happiness my state of mind, rather than relying on a set of circumstances to do it for me.
Richard Carlson

We smile because we are happy. But we also become happy because we smile. Act the part and you’ll become the part.
Unknown

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.

Marcus Aurelius

Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is right at their heels.

Bertolt Brecht

Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan

Never dwell on what you have lost, only on what you have left. Count your blessings. You’ll always find plenty. Your most prized possessions are your unexpired years.
Unknown

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Mahatma Gandhi

Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing.

William Butler Yeats

The power of finding beauty in the humblest things makes home happy and life lovely.

Louisa May Alcott

Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
Guillaume Apollinaire

The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.
Norman Vincent Peale

Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so.
Robert G. Ingersoll

Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.
Unknown

Learn to be calm and you will always be happy.
Paramhansa Yogananda

picsource: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lanuiop/3189186029/

Recovery Quote Of The Week: September 12, 2012

We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity. "

Barbara De Angelis

original picsource: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jinx1380/4983207375/

By NMR Photo

We Will Never Forget: 9-11 Tribute

World Suicide Prevention Day 2012: Facts, Stats, & Resources

What is World Suicide Prevention Day?

World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) is an awareness day observed on 10 September every year, in order to provide worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicides, with various activities around the world.The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP), collaborates with the World Health Organization (WHO) and the World Federation for Mental Health, to host World Suicide Prevention Day. In 2011 an estimated 40 countries held awareness events to mark the occasion. The United Nations issued 'National Policy for Suicide Prevention' in the 1990s which some countries use as a basis for their suicide policies.
source Wikipedia

Worldwide Statistics:

Worldwide suicide rates have increased 60% in the last 45 years.
Nearly 1 million people die each year from suicide, globally. One death every 40 seconds.
Suicide is among the 3 top causes of death for those between the ages of 15 and 44.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for those between the ages of 10 and 24.
Attempted suicide occurs up to 20 times more frequently than completed suicide.
Suicide rates among young people has increased so dramatically that they have surpassed suicide statistics for elderly males, becoming the highest risk group in a thirdrd of countries (both developed and developing).
source WHO (World Health Organization)

US Specific Statistics

Nearly 1,000,000 people in the U.S. attempt suicide every year.
Someone dies by suicide every 14.2 minutes.
90% of people who commit suicide have a diagnosable/treatable psychiatric disorder at the time of death.
Most people with mental illness do not die by suicide.
Yearly medical cost for suicide are nearly 100 million dollars.
Though women attempt suicide 3x more often than men, men are nearly 4x more likely to die by suicide.
The highest risk age group for death due to suicide is 40-59.

Statistics by State.
source: AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Risk Factors For Suicide
Warning Signs of Suicide
What To Do if you fear someone will take their life

Resources for Suicide Prevention: Hotlines, Organizations, Websites

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/rossap/4374522776/

Recovery: Is What's Holding You Back Worth Holding On To?

Past experiences, and the emotions that accompany them, all serve a purpose. We learn by doing, observing, and by making mistakes. We file those lessons away for future reference and we draw upon them to help us navigate the present. There's nothing wrong with this process unless, that is, it becomes the most used (if not only) navigation tool we possess. We, and the world around us, are in constant change. Even the tiniest deviation from the circumstances in which we found ourselves previously will have an influence on the outcome today.

For an example, when you were a child you were taught that fire burns. It's dangerous. You were told not to touch it because it will hurt you. That lesson is still with you as an adult but now you know how to use fire to your advantage. You had to adjust the lesson of your past in order to use fire safely to light a candle, to cook, to warm yourself by.

But what if you only held on to the first lesson learned and didn't deviate from it over the years? How different would your life be?

When we don't update the lessons of our past, we hinder the progress of our present. We create a wall of fear and self-doubt. The past becomes a proverbial prison, holding us back from moving forward and living and enjoying our lives as we are meant to.

The same holds true for how we define ourselves. What happened in the past is not our permanent definition. It's not a gauge for what is possible in the present. Who we were then does not determine who we are now.

Do you hold yourself in constant accountability for the mistakes you made as a young child and allow them to decide who you are today? Of course not, because we understand that those mistakes were made because we didn't know any better, we were learning, and we had some growing up to do. Despite what we may think, this is true no matter what our age. We are constantly learning and growing along the way, even if we don't realize it. Because of this, it's nearly impossible to be who you used to be. There are just too many variables.

When self is constantly confined and defined by the past there is no forward movement, no progress. Past lessons no longer serve the purpose they are intended to but, instead, hold us captive. This is why it is so important to examine what we're holding on to, to be sure that it's not holding us back from the life we are deserving of.

Letting go of what's holding you back takes self-examination, patience and forgiveness.

Ask yourself if what you're holding on to is:

relevant in your life today
outdated thoughts/beliefs
positive and supportive
keeping you from being yourself
keeping you from moving foward
detrimental to how you feel about yourself
causing you anxiety, fear, shame, or guilt
causing feelings of inadequacy
making you feel undeserving of love, success, happiness, or joy

If you find that your answers are mostly negative, it's time for some updating and clearing out.

It's okay to let go of those lessons that are no longer pertinent to the life you desire and deserve. Just because they served their purpose then, doesn't mean that they still do. No matter what the past holds, you are who you decide to be today. The life you desire for yourself is achieved one thought, one belief, one small change at a time.

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/nicolopaternoster/4603639412/

Making Connections: NEDA

NEDA's (National Eating Disorders Association) Making Connections, a parent, family and friends network magazine, is now available to read online. Check it out!

"Making Connections, is now available online! Even better, the publication, which started as a short newsletter years ago, has now grown into a full-blown magazine. Thanks to the passion of the many wonderful contributors toMaking Connections, the publication is presented for the first time in a digital magazine format.

What does this mean for you? For starters, an improved interface makes it easier to read and zoom in when needed. You can also easily share the magazine via email or social media. And, it's optimized to be viewed from mobile devices, so you can enjoy it on the go from your tablet or phone.

Making Connections offers vital information on a diverse range of eating disorders topics, including insightful personal stories and tools and strategies for recovery, self-care and hope."

Wanted: Mothers Of Children With Anorexia Nervosa For Anonymous Study

Are you the mother of a child with Anorexia Nervosa? An anonymous study is looking for your input concerning your experience.

I was recently contacted by Marissa Alexander, who is looking for participants for a study. In her own words;

I'm now a 5th year Counseling Psychology student working on my Ph.D. at Fordham University in New York. I have been working on a research team for about 4 years that has aimed to shed light on the experience of parents and caregivers of children with Anorexia. In our research, we found that the caregiving experience was often stressful and overwhelming, and caregivers often reported feeling misunderstood by treatment providers, excluded from their child's treatment, and even blamed for the development for their child's disorder. In addition, parents often reported having little information and feeling "lost," not knowing which treatment provider, hospital, or method would be effective in treating their child's illness.

With that in mind, I developed my dissertation research in order to lend a voice to parental caregivers, and understand how it is that parents and families cope with Anorexia. My hope is that with these findings, more effective support services can be developed for parents, and the stigma surrounding Anorexia and other eating disorders may be reduced.

I am so grateful for the mothers who have already participated in the study to share their experience and allow us to understand how the illness has affected them. I'm hoping to reach as many people as possible with the opportunity to participate.

Recovery Quote Of The Week: August 24 2012

In life one has a choice to take one of two paths: to wait for some special day - or to celebrate each special day.
Rasheed Ogunlaru

See sidebar menu for more Recovery Quotes of the Week, Recovery Inspiration, and Inspirational Recovery Quotes

pic source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/30797387@N04/4906751350/

Self-Love Changes Everything

Self-Love not only changes how we see ourselves... it changes how we see everything!
Mrs.M

Love yourself and change your world!

see also:
Self-Love Jar
Self-Love Quotes
10 Ways To Love Yourself Better
The Unconditional Love of Self

image source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dvsather/2194472356/

Recovery: What Are You Afraid Of?

Does the thought of recovery fill you with fear?
If so, you are not alone. It's really quite common to feel this way.

Why, when we know something is good for us, do we feel afraid of it?

The reasons vary. Individual experiences come into play. Reasons can range from simple to complicated, making it difficult to narrow it down to one, simple answer. When an eating disorder is also part of the equation, the whys can become even more complicated. Change and control, though, are major factors for almost everyone.

Change is scary. You're taking a risk. You're leaving behind familiar territory for the unknown. There's comfort in the familiar, even when the familiar is a horrible place to be, because you know it well. The ins, the outs, the lows, the highs ... there's not much that can surprise you, not much to catch you off guard and throw you off kilter.

Fear of losing what little control you have can be scary, too. How can you control the unknown? You may have mastered controlling and navigating your current situation so well that the thought of relinquishing that control may feel too scary to even contemplate. But...

You must surrender your fears.

It's not easy to let go, even when what we're holding on to is what we most need to let go of. But, letting go is necessary to achieve change and change is necessary to achieve recovery. We have to be willing to venture out of our comfort zone and let go of what currently is, in order to begin creating what can be.

"The only way out is through."

So how do you let go despite the fear?

With practice and patience. Acknowledge your fear. Recognize it for what it truly is, and then move forward regardless. Each time you deny your fear the chance to be in charge you gain confidence and courage, making the next time a little bit easier. Soon, what you once thought impossible, becomes reality.

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Here are some suggestions and links to help with the process:

Keep your thoughts and words positive. Use positive, encouraging self-talk.
Visualize the change you desire in a positive light.
Believe in your ability to overcome your fears, to change, and to recover.
Have faith.
Make a 2 column list. On one side list what you're afraid of, the other side list why that fear is invalid (or how to let it go).
Seek reinforcements (counseling, mentoring, organizations, people in recovery, supportive family and friends, recovery sites and forums)
Stay honest with yourself and others.
Be kind and patient with yourself. Change takes time. Recovery takes time.
Get involved in something creative (writing, sketching, dance, doodling, painting, crafts,...). It gives you something positive to put your energy into and is a great outlet for stress and anxiety.
Remember the recovery sayings; "Fake it 'til you make it," and "Act as if". Doing this gives you a taste of what it feels like to achieve the change you're seeking. It sets your mind on track. (It doesn't mean to lie to yourself, or others, in an attempt to deceive)
Journal.
Use affirmations throughout the day and at bedtime.
Choose a mantra to say to yourself whenever you're feeling less than brave (example: I am not my fear. I am capable of moving past these feelings. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I believe in myself). Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Surround yourself with positive influences.
Create a recovery sound track of music that makes you feel good.
Create a recovery feel good image file. Fill it with things that make you feel good, strong, serene. (Do not use anything that relates to the body, weight, or appearance in any way).
Take care of yourself every day.
Create a Relapse Prevention Plan.
Give yourself credit when you make even the smallest progress. Each positive step is a victory. Celebrate it!
When you feel overwhelmed, turn it over to your higher power.

Recovery Is Possible! You are capable, worthy, and deserving of it!

.

One of the 18 Best Eating Disorder Blogs of 2012

Weighing The Facts was named one of the 18 Best Eating Disorder Blogs of 2012 by Healthline!

Healthline says:

Battling an eating disorder can be a long and dangerous challenge for people of every age and background. Thankfully, a flourishing online community has emerged in recent years to offer reliable information, support, and advice. From personal journeys to medical facts, these blogs offer the best of the best on the web about eating disorders.

Share your own stories with others in the chat rooms or comment sections on these blogs, and find an opportunity for healing and community in these pages. Hope and health may be closer than you think.

Here's what the had to say about Weighing The Facts.

I'm so excited and honored to be named with so many wonderful ED blogs. You can find all the blogs, and a blurb about each one, here.

Check them all out. They're great resources.

Recovery Inspiration: Happiness

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

Henry David Thoreau

image source:http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelic0devil6/2148755799/in/photostream/

Eating Disorders News and Views: August 8 2012

Warning: Articles may be triggering.
articles do not necessarily reflect the views of this blog

FAMILY HEALTH MATTERS: Eating disorders a concern for not only teenage girls

Eating disorders describe several serious conditions that affect 24 million Americans each year, according to the Renfrew Center Foundation for Eating Disorders. And, it’s not always those you would expect.

Boys, adult women and men are not immune from developing this life-threatening condition, either. In fact, according to the National Association for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, 10 to 15 percent of individuals suffering from anorexia are male.

Eating disorders fall under several categories, the most widely publicized, and dangerous of which are anorexia (severe food restriction) and bulimia (consuming and vomiting large amounts of food). Binge eating (excessive eating without vomiting) and excessive exercise are also considered eating disorders.
Read Family Health Matters in full

Anorexia’s scary online empire
Nothing tastes as good as blogging feels

Once upon a time, anorexia was a relatively private matter. The person suffering from it usually denied their affliction to avoid treatment. Most often, it would remain a secret once diagnosed, in part to avoid becoming the subject of local gossip. And once detected, the person in question would undergo treatment and find herself sequestered away from the outside world in a hospital that wouldn’t even allow Barbie or Disney princess paraphernalia to infiltrate its walls, lest it trigger her urge to starve. Hopefully, she would recover. She would go on with her life, and her friends and family would encourage her to eat, maybe relax a little. Her once-secret eating disorder would become something that she had overcome. It was possible that she would even write a memoir about it one day; Wasted; Solitaire; Feeling for the Bones; Thin; I could name at least a dozen that aren’t about eating disorders, but simply memoirs of a troubled life involving starving yourself at one point in a longer line of suffering.
Read Online Empire in full

Young with eating disorders 'missing out on vital help'

Eating disorders in children are not being taken seriously enough, depriving them of vital treatment, a leading expert has told BBC Newsnight.

Professor Bryan Lask said he is seeing ever younger patients, with increasing numbers becoming ill under age 10.

His pioneering research suggests a strong genetic predisposition to anorexia, which experts say needs to be tackled through early intervention.

New figures reveal eating disorders cost the NHS £1.26bn a year in England.
Read Young with EDs in full

Young, beautiful, anorexic and dead

AT 19, with several teen magazine cover shoots behind her and the prospect of a lucrative modelling career, Bethaney Wallace faced a crippling struggle with eating disorders which finally claimed her life this year.

Doctors believe that over the three years since she developed anorexia and bulimia, her condition had weakened her heart and it stopped beating as she slept.

Her father said: "She lost her self-esteem. She would say she was fat but she was so beautiful -- she didn't realise how beautiful she was.

"She had up days and down days. It was like Jekyll and Hyde.

"I tried to warn her that her organs would fail but she just said: 'Don't be silly'. If you mentioned food it would start an argument."
Read YBA&D in full

Eating disorders exact a toll on older women, too

Molly Woolsey was 19 when her anorexia was diagnosed. Once she passed her 20s, the St. Paul woman said, passers-by assumed she had cancer or another terminal illness because she was so thin.

“It doesn’t occur to them that someone my age could have an eating disorder,” said Woolsey, now 45.
Advertisement

Anorexia, binge eating and bulimia are considered afflictions of teenage girls or women in their 20s. But increasingly, older women are admitting to eating disorder symptoms, which put them at higher risk for a wide range of health problems.
Read Toll on Older Women in full

The pressure to be everything

In the recent Wenatchee World article about eating disorders, nutritionist Laurie Kutrich noted that she has seen an increase in patients with anorexia and bulimia. In October 2010, The Guardian reported a significant increase in prevalence of eating disorders seen in women ages 30 and above. I believe we need to look beyond conventional explanations for the rise in eating disorders and consider ways that the economic downturn may be increasing these illnesses in our society and community. The slow economy creates pressure on women to become an “equal or greater” breadwinner in the family unit (in addition to fulfilling all the other more traditional female roles).
Read Everything in full.

Great Majority of Women with Eating Disorders are Vegetarians

A new study published in the Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics has determined that women diagnosed with an eating disorder are four times more likely to be vegetarian compared to women with no eating disorders.

In addition to this, women with a diagnosed eating disorder were twice as likely to have been vegetarian at some point in their lives, compared to women without eating disorders.
Read Great Majority in full.

Eating Disorders Tied to Drug Use, Drinking

Adolescent girls with a variety of eating disorders -- even conditions less severe than anorexia or bulimia -- are at risk for obesity and alcohol and drug use, a prospective study found.

Among those who reported binge eating but not purging, the risk for becoming overweight or obese was doubled (OR 1.90, 95% CI 1.04 to 3.48) compared with healthy peers, according to Alison E. Field, ScD, of Harvard University in Boston, and colleagues.
Read Tied To in full

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Live The Life You Deserve

When you stop letting yourself be defined by outside forces; when you refuse to compare yourself to others in order to determine your worth, when you no longer allow your past to choose the course of your future, when you realize that who you are is more important than how you look... Then you will begin to live the life you truly deserve.

MrsM

Recovery Quote of the Week: July 31, 2012

Life's like a piano. The white keys represent happiness, and the black keys show sadness. But as you go through your life’s journey, remember that the black keys make music too.
Anonymous

picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/sir_leif/2928070249/

Is it an Argument or Verbal Abuse?

Verbal abuse is an assault that uses spoken language instead of fists or weapons. It's intent is to do harm. The words can be blatantly cruel, disguised as humor, or delivered with cunning deception. It can yell, or whisper. No matter what form it takes, it can be difficult to recognize it for what it is if we're already dealing with an injured sense of self.

Though an argument can be verbally abusive, not all arguments are. Everyone argues now and again. How are you to know the difference?

Normal arguments allow us to air our concerns with the goal of resolution. They allow us to voice our side and hear the side of another. They allow us to work through and to resolve. They are a give and take from both sides. That's not to imply that a normal argument is devoid of hurt or truths that we may not be comfortable hearing or dealing with.

Abusive arguments have no intention of resolution. Their aim is to hurt, belittle, manipulate, weaken, destroy, confuse, and control. They are a form of emotional abuse. Often, the abuser will tell you how you should feel and what you should think. More likely than not, intimidation and blame are used to manipulate and oppress. It is quite common for the abuser to get louder, and more expressive, in order to force submission from the victim.

Verbal abuse is a cunning, psychological attack.

The wounds that develop from verbal abuse are not physically obvious. They are internal. They destroy the spirit and self-esteem of the abused. Over time a victim of verbal abuse may alter dress, speech, and behavior in order to avoid more conflict. They may isolate, pulling away from family and friends. They may begin to actually believe the words they've been assaulted with.

How do you protect yourself from verbal abuse?

Learn to identify it. Know the difference between constructive criticism and a verbal attack.
Nurture your self-esteem and believe in your right to be treated with respect no matter what.
Do not engage in the attack.
Remove yourself from the situation. (leave the room, leave the house).
Do not delude yourself into believing you can change the abuser. Leave that up to the professionals.
Make a back up plan that includes a place to go (friends, family, etc).
See a counselor for yourself.
Contact support: Domestic Violence: Hotlines, Websites, Organizations

Be aware: Verbal abuse may eventually escalate into physical violence.

When confronted with the negative, disrespectful, or abusive words of another take a moment to consider if perhaps their words have more to do with their own dysfunction than they do with you. We don't have to own what is said to us. We don't have to let it become a part of our self-definition. Listen with an honest, discerning, and self-respecting ear. An abusive assault is never intended to heal.

MrsM.

picsource: dbphotography http://www.flickr.com/photos/demibrooke/2336528544/

Silent Scream: Eating Disorders Poetry

Warning: Poem may be triggering

Silent Scream

She’s convinced herself she can’t be loved
So she starves herself away
Ana promised to be her friend
And now she’s here to stay.

Each night she stands before the mirror
And runs her hand along the bones
You’re worthless and disgusting
The voice inside her drones.

Ana made her a deal
A way out of what others thought
A way to escape reality
For that’s what she truly sought.

The only thing she grew to care for
Was the counting in her head
Should no one bother saving her
Soon she will be dead.

It started out as a way for control
But now Ana stole that away
The number flashing on the scale
Controls every moment of everyday.

She wishes for someone to save her
From this never-ending hell
She’s tried to silence the voice in her head
But Ana just starts to yell.

Eyes closed tightly to shut out the world
She prays to disappear
A voice unheard, unheeded
A scream no one can hear.

By: Maggie Saunders

See sidebar menu for more poetry and ed writing submissions by readers.

picsource: http://www.flickr.com/photos/skeletalmess/5805022098/

Recovery Quote of the Week: July 11, 2012

Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

Cameron Crowe

See sidebar menu for more Recovery Quotes of the Week and Inspirational Recovery Quotes

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Changing Our Perception of Perfection

There it is, just out of reach. We keep striving for it, dreaming of it, and hating ourselves for not achieving it. We feel less than, unworthy, and defeated as perfection eludes us over and over again. Why are we so obsessed? Why does it matter so much?

Dictionary.com defines perfection as:

1.the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.
2.the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.
3.a perfect embodiment or example of something.
4.a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree of excellence.
5.the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.

I see it differently.

What if perfection isn’t the ultimate, unmarred definition of something, but instead is the place where acceptance sparks joy and satisfaction?

Think about it.

We describe so many things we experience as perfect when, in fact, they are far from it. The perfect sunrise, the perfect friend, the perfect love match, the perfect situation, and even the perfect job are far from “a perfect embodiment or example of something.” Our friends have flaws, our jobs can be frustrating, our significant others often fall short of our expectations, and so on.

So, why do we see them as perfect? It’s our acceptance of those flaws and our altered, very personal, definition of the concept of perfection. They become perfect for us.

Have you ever noticed that the imperfections in a person’s appearance can actually make them more beautiful than the conventional definition of beauty? Have you ever had an absolutely fabulous time because something in your original plans went wrong?

It’s funny how imperfection can end up being so wonderfully perfect, isn’t it?

Here we are, all caught up in achieving the ever elusive state of perfection. We hold ourselves back, diminish our own feelings of worth, and berate ourselves for not achieving the unmarred, glorified, ultimate definition of something that ends up being totally up to us to define.

Totally up to us to define.

Pretty empowering. Right?

When we accept the role we play in the perception of perfection we can then let go of trying so hard to achieve someone else's definition of it and, instead, start living our lives…perfectly.

See also: Stop Hanging Around Waiting For Perfection
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Recovery Quote of the Week: June 30, 2012

You must dive the depths in order to experience the beauty of what exists below the surface.
Mrs.M

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Negativity is TOXIC! Ways to Increase Your Positivity

Negativity is TOXIC. Protect yourself!

Do negative thoughts keep you from moving forward and being happy? Let go of the negativity and learn to cultivate a positive attitude. Our thoughts profoundly affect the quality of our lives. What we think can make or break us.

Ways To Increase Your Positivity:

5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Change Your Life
7 Ways to Lift Your Spirits in 5 Minutes or Less.
10 Ways To Love Yourself Better
Fostering Positive Self-Esteem
Self-Love Jar
Plant Seeds of Recovery
Start A Gratitude Journal
Set The Tone of the Day
Positivity Quotes
Using Affirmations
Morning Affirmations
Bedtime Affirmations

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Eating Disorders: Inspirational Quotes for Recovery Video

Recovery is Possible! You are worth it!

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Recovery Image: Only By Letting Go

Only by letting go can we learn to navigate the currents of our dreams.
MrsM

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Eating Disorders News and Views: June 22, 2012

Sober Days: Anorexia, alcoholism linked?
my desert

Question: I have been in recovery with A.A. for 3½ years; I am also anorexic. Is there a connection between alcoholism and anorexia/bulimia?

answer: There is evidence of a relationship between eating disorders and alcohol abuse in women.

A study of two populations of adult women — those presenting for alcoholism treatment and those
Read Sober Days in full

Why women who starve themselves MUST be force-fed: Liz Jones backs the judge who ruled an anorexic girl must be kept alive against her will
the daily mail

Sitting at my kitchen table with a piece of toast in front of me, I feel stressed, tired and unhappy, so I don’t want to eat it.

I have to eat it, because if I don’t, I’ll be ill. I put it in my mouth. I want to gag, but I chew. I swallow hard. It’s a tiny square of wholemeal bread. I give the crust to my dog.

I force-feed myself — not every day, but often, when life becomes too much to bear. It’s hard, but it saves my life.

A debate is raging about whether Mr Justice Peter Jackson was right to order an anorexic 32-year-old woman in Wales to be force-fed to keep her alive — against not just her wishes, but those of her parents.
Read Starve in full

Should Anorexics Be Force-Fed?
the huffington post

Should Anorexics be force fed? The latest legal ruling could kill the patient - but doing nothing might also condemn her to death.

The Daily Telegraph has reported that a leading judge who sits in the Court of Protection, Mr Justice Peter Jackson, has ruled that a former medical student suffering from severe anorexia nervosa, and who is at a life-threatening low weight, should be force-fed against her wishes by doctors.
Read Force Fed in full

Coroner blames fashion industry for bulimic schoolgirl's death
itv news

The fashion industry was squarely blamed by a coroner today for the death of a schoolgirl who was found hanged after suffering from an eating disorder.

Michael Rose, the West Somerset Coroner, called on magazines and catwalks to stop using thin models after Fiona Geraghty was found dead at her home, near Taunton, last year.

The 14-year-old schoolgirl, who had been suffering from bulimia, hanged herself in her bedroom in July last year. She had confided in health staff that she had been taunted by other girls at her public school because of her weight.
Read Blames in full

Eating Disorders in Women Over 50
Survey Shows Women in Their 50s Binge, Purge, and Diet Nearly as Often as Adolescents
Web MD

Eating disorders don't just strike teens. A new survey shows that middle-aged women binge, purge, and engage in extreme exercise and dieting about as often as adolescents do.

"Strikingly, things are as bad in this age group as they are in the younger age groups. I was sort of gobsmacked that 8% reported purging in the last five years," says researcher Cynthia M. Bulik, PhD, director of the University of North Carolina Eating Disorders Program, in Chapel Hill.
Read Women in their 50s in full

New Research Strategy for Binge Eating
psych central

Researchers have discovered that blocking the Sigma-1 receptor, a cellular protein, reduced binge eating and caused binge eaters to eat more slowly.

Binge eating disorder affects 15 million Americans and is believed to be the eating disorder that most closely resembles substance abuse and dependency.

Binge eaters typically gorge on junk foods excessively and compulsively despite knowing the adverse consequences, which are physical, emotional and social in nature.
Read New Strategy in full

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Recovery Inspiration: Courage is...

Courage is having faith despite overwhelming odds, believing in yourself when all others have lost hope, and loving yourself no matter what.
MrsM

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Recovery Inspiration: Never Stop Fighting. Never Lose Faith

No one is ever too broken, too scarred, or too far-gone to create change.
Never Stop Fighting. Never lose faith.
MrsM

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Father's Day: Eating Disorder Links For Dads

Happy Father's Day!

Are you a father who has a child with an eating disorder?

Helpful Eating Disorder Links For Fathers

What Father's Should Know About Eating Disorders

What Parents Can Do

More Info For Parents

Eating Disorder Websites, Organizations, and Hotlines

Mental Health Websites, Organization, and Hotlines

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Recovery Inspiration: Start This Day With A Song.

Start this day with a song. Cast your burdens to the wind. Dance in the new day's sun. Rejoice, for this day is a new beginning. It asks only that it be embraced and lived joyfully.
MrsM

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Recovery Inspiration: How Different Would Your Life Be If...

How different would your life be if the fear, shame, guilt, self-doubt, and burdens of your past no longer existed? If you accepted yourself, loved yourself, and respected yourself despite your weight, appearance, or history? These things do not define you. Let them go and start creating the life you desire!
MrsM

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Recovery Quote Of The Week: June 14, 2012

Today, I will take time to drink in the fresh spring air and sit with my thoughts for a while. I will not hurry, worry, or fear. I will live in this one glorious moment, fully. I will take from it all that it has to offer me. I will allow it to fill my soul.
MrsM

Picsource:http://www.flickr.com/photos/mait/4659613753/in/photostream/

Bad Apple: Eating Disorders Poetry

Warning: Poem may be triggering

Bad Apple

This poem is not about how I beat anorexia.

I wish I could write that poem

I always liked clean breaks and happy endings

But this is not a happy ending.

This is real.

I’ve done what I can

keeping up appearances

The good girl

The smart one

I’ve done a damn good job, don’t you think?

And I know you want your little girl back

And I wish I could give you that too.

But I am not a bad apple

You can’t cut out the rotten bits

This is not burnt toast

You can’t scrape this off

Or hide it with butter

Or throw it away and make a new slice

This is not a cherry pit

You can’t just eat around it

There are no devils or angels fighting on my shoulders

I am the devil

I’m the angel too.

All I can do is swallow this bad apple whole

Savor it bite by mushy brown bite

And maybe one day I’ll be just like I used to be

And maybe I won’t

So do you want a taste or not?

by: Anonymous

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Recovery Quote Of The Week: June 4 2012

The next mile is the only one a person really has to make.
Danish Proverb

See sidebar menu for more Recovery Quotes of the Week and Inspirational Recovery Quotes

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I Threw Out My Scale: How One Woman Found Freedom

I stood nervously in front of my father so he could get a better look at me. He said I should go put on some black jeans so my ass woudn‘t look so fat. I changed right away because a fourteen year old girl needs to make her daddy happy. She also needs to look thin enough to walk around in the world okay. I would do what I could. Through the years sometimes I was skinny, sometimes I was fat, always I was insecure and angry. This went on until I was in my late thirties.

Finally I got sick of putting my life on hold while I mostly failed at trying to keep my weight down. There were other things I wanted to do besides being fixated on fat. I wanted to be happy and my body obsession made me utterly unhappy. It just never delivered. I had to make a change and since my anger seemed to be right up front screaming at me, I gave it a chance to speak. It told me I needed to find a new way to treat myself and a new way to think about my body. It reminded me how I longed to be my full female self, someone who was so much more than breasts and curves and genitals and fat. I wanted to come on up through my body and be with no appologies.

I had to be brave and try new ways of being. For example, in the morning I forced myself to get ready in the buff. I looked at my naked body in the mirror and I mean I really got a good look. I jiggled and stretched and bent over and even looked at the side rolls. I watched my muscles move beneath my skin. I noted my favorite and least favorite body parts. I practiced the habit of petting my thighs and other body parts and thanking them out loud for serving me. The more I said it, the more I started to believe it. When I ate too much and felt a stomach ache I apologized to my stomach for making it sick. I even began to allow my body to be natural in bed with my husband. I let my breasts fall and flap and I didn’t try to keep myself in my best posture. I relaxed and let my naturally beautiful body be. My husband has always been wonderfully accepting of my body. Why couldn’t I be? It felt heavenly even if I did feel shy. My body was so happy and that made the initial embarassment totally worth it. The act of treating my body with respect and love was freeing the inside me too. What a wonderful little trick!

Still, a father can have a powerful effect, and even after all my changes I found myself practically paralyzed with panic as we pulled into my dad‘s driveway. He hadn’t seen me since I’d lost all the weight. Would he be happy with me? We walked in the door and he came up to me and gave me a great big hug and rubbed my back and said “Skinny Vicky!” To my surprise my father’s comment angered me. It didn’t feel good at all because why is it so damned important to you dad? I wasn’t going to let him oppress and suffocate me any longer. Inwardly I rejected his “compliment.” I don’t know what sank into me but from that moment on I never needed my fathers’ approval again. After I got home from that trip I threw out my scale. I didn’t want to live by “the number” anymore. I wanted to continue creating new ways of living. I wanted to ask new questions that were about my overall health and happiness. How did I feel in my body? Could I move comfortably? Could I do the things I wanted to do? Was I relaxed in myself? If I wasn’t, what could I do to change that? Change became an opportunity instead of a demand. Feeling good truly became more important than looking good.

Thanks to my father I now have the freedom to ask any question I please. I can also stop asking questions like, “What kind of sick person talks to themselves and swears compulsively and has addictions and takes Paxil?” I can throw that scale away too! Why can’t I? I can throw it away if I want to. I don’t’ have to put myself into an inferior category of humanity. Instead I can say, “Look world, this is me just as I am.” I am a woman. Watch me shine! Watch me not shine! I will walk on the Earth regardless of what anyone thinks of me. People can wish me to be whomever they like. I won’t hear them and I will walk around and do what I like. I will strut and skip. I will day dream. I will lay in my hammock and read for a while. I will eat pepperoni with cheese and crackers and spend hours writing. I will go dancing! I might even take a nap. Why not? I don’t have to ask daddy anymore… I can ask myself.
Written By Victoria Lee

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